I'm not dead,
I just don't have internet.
I would promise to write as soon as possible, but I know that won't be for a while.
Stay strong everyone.
Hugs and kisses all around.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Hotels
I know most of my posts are depressing reflections of situations and thoughts, but this one has at least a small sort of an upside to it: I have found myself in a place with soft blankets, clean clothes, and the occasional day off.
I have "given up my unhealthy lifestyle to find myself and accept my body". Its one of the hardest things I've done, but I'm happier. Much, much happier. I still weigh myself everyday, and I still don't eat as much as I should, but at least its a step in [somewhat of] the right direction. My reason why? I'm tired of caring so much. I'm tired of feeling trapped in my body and not knowing what to do with myself. I am trying to get better, and I'm proud of myself. Sometimes, but not most times.
Today, I ate 686 calories. I had 1/4th of a burger from burger king, and a few bites of a Nacho Bell Grande, although I counted it as half. I eat as shitty as I want to, I swim everyday and my job involves walking around neighborhoods trying to sell people something they don't [nor will ever] want.
I still miss home and my friends dearly, but I'm glad I'm away from the awful place I was last. I miss the support of posting everyday and as much as I wish my depression was all gone, its not. I still have my bouts of anxiety and sadness, but it's not as frequent. Weight is also still a part of my life, although it too has taken a back seat to bigger more prevalent problems.
My boyfriend, T, is still around thankfully. Our relationship has progressed to a comfortable place and I feel like he's my best friend. He can be infuriating sometimes, but I'm glad that at least I can wake up in his arms and go to sleep in them every night. Stability, in whatever form it comes it, is always welcome.
Everything is still hectic and I still don't have enough time to check my Facebook, let alone keep up with my Blogger, so I won't promise you all that I'll post and read all your blogs everyday, but I do promise I'll at least read through them when I can and make sure all of you are doing okay.
I miss and love you all dearly.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
I have "given up my unhealthy lifestyle to find myself and accept my body". Its one of the hardest things I've done, but I'm happier. Much, much happier. I still weigh myself everyday, and I still don't eat as much as I should, but at least its a step in [somewhat of] the right direction. My reason why? I'm tired of caring so much. I'm tired of feeling trapped in my body and not knowing what to do with myself. I am trying to get better, and I'm proud of myself. Sometimes, but not most times.
Today, I ate 686 calories. I had 1/4th of a burger from burger king, and a few bites of a Nacho Bell Grande, although I counted it as half. I eat as shitty as I want to, I swim everyday and my job involves walking around neighborhoods trying to sell people something they don't [nor will ever] want.
I still miss home and my friends dearly, but I'm glad I'm away from the awful place I was last. I miss the support of posting everyday and as much as I wish my depression was all gone, its not. I still have my bouts of anxiety and sadness, but it's not as frequent. Weight is also still a part of my life, although it too has taken a back seat to bigger more prevalent problems.
My boyfriend, T, is still around thankfully. Our relationship has progressed to a comfortable place and I feel like he's my best friend. He can be infuriating sometimes, but I'm glad that at least I can wake up in his arms and go to sleep in them every night. Stability, in whatever form it comes it, is always welcome.
Everything is still hectic and I still don't have enough time to check my Facebook, let alone keep up with my Blogger, so I won't promise you all that I'll post and read all your blogs everyday, but I do promise I'll at least read through them when I can and make sure all of you are doing okay.
I miss and love you all dearly.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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