Yesterday T and I spent the day job hunting. It was warm outside and there were large rolling clouds that provided the perfect mixture between shade and sunshine. We held hands while we walked, and we laughed endlessly about inside jokes while passerby's gave us strange looks. We walked into every store we could find within walking distance and asked if they were hiring. Considering the amount of stores in the area around my house, I figured we would get more opportunities but sadly we managed to only get two applications and two "come back on a week day" excuses.
I've been snacking at random moments when T isn't around on strange food combination's. My weight is at 122 and I plan to start fasting again tomorrow.
I get a thrill from waiting until I'm alone to eat. Sneak into the kitchen, heart pounding, avoiding the floor boards, and hope to God no one catches me. Especially not T. He caught me spooning guacamole sauce into my mouth with my fingers this morning. I turned the brightest shade of red I've ever been, hung my head and slowly walked out of the kitchen. Neither of us said anything about it.
G got drunk last night and texted me to tell me that he hates me or some bullshit like that. Apparently I'm "selfish" and I "led him on". He's completely ignoring the fact that I told him I had a boyfriend and told him we would never amount to anything. I was up front with him. Whatever he hopes or thoughts he had concerning us isn't my problem. I almost feel bothered by it though, but only for the fact that I won't have anyone to fall back on if T and I don't work out. Maybe he was right about the selfish part...
Last night my mother and I talked about G lightly, and she randomly told me that he's "in love with me" and that it isn't his fault he's acting insane. She tried to explain to me that love makes people do crazy things. I'm not even attempting to be understanding even though I know she's probably right. I shouldn't be so hard on him.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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I've started only eating when my flatmates are around, or I'm with people. That way if I'm home alone, I'm home free!!
ReplyDeleteI hope G stops being such a tosspot soon <3
I'm totally the same. I get a kick out of eating food secretly when no one knows. This makes no sense seeing as my mother would dearly love to see me eating more, and I would love her to think I'm eating more, yet I sneakily eat when no one can see me? Apart from she came home yesterday to me cramming handfuls of granola into my mouth from the packet. The shame. Oh well, at least she won't worry I'm starving myself anymore...
ReplyDeleteHow are you managing to juggle restricting with T around all the time? x
oh my gosh darling, I am so glad to be reading your blog again. Do you remember me? We used to talk a little, but then i deleted my blog. i've been wondering how you were doing :)
ReplyDeleteElle
Hi sophia, I'm Violet.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for about a year now, and have recently found the courage to join myself and start writing.
Just wanted to say hi, and good luck with T, when are you moving in to your own place? I live with my boyf - it's great and actually a lot easier. You'll love it :)
Violet
Violet