I miss....

I haven't been getting sleep lately considering the fact that T and I stay up all night talking and never get to bed until the early hours of the morning. I've also been eating like a pig and so it's surprising that my weight hasn't moved from 124.0 the entire time I've been eating. I've been trying to start a fast for the past week or so and have been continually failing.
My efforts at restricting have also been less than acceptable. Yesterday I tried not to eat too much and ended up just having some chips and three jelly beans on top of a fuck load of alcohol.
We're going to the lake this weekend so I want to be at least a little bit thinner by the time I have to take off my clothes.

I've been feeling kind of shitty lately because T wants friends that live here but sadly I can't provide. The majority of my friends are ignoring me and are assholes so now I look like I'm trying to keep him locked away with me and I have no friends.

Lovely.




We got into a fight a few days ago because he went through my computer and found some old IM conversations that I had with an ex boyfriend. Even though those conversations had happened a few months before T and I started going out, he still got pissed off and I ended up blowing up on him and leaving to go hang out with my best friend who I used to have a thing with. Privacy is an extremely big deal with me and it pissed me off that he didn't trust me enough to leave my personal shit alone. After I came back, he was completely wasted and proceeded to apologize and beg me to stop being angry at him. I just told him I didn't want to hear shit from him drunk and so he apologized the next morning sober.

G on the other hand has taken to calling me a lying tease every chance he gets and is still constantly playing the victim card. I told him last night to lose my number and never text me again because I'm tired of his pathetic high school bullshit. Right before that he had told me that I'm ruining his life and that he wishes he had never met me.

Obviously we aren't exactly friends anymore.





I wish I didn't live in such a small shitty town. Everything here is so uninteresting its impossible to bear. After living in all the states and cities I have, I don't think I'll ever be happy living anywhere that isn't incredibly interesting.

It's a shame.






I've been having dreams and nightmares about food again. Every night this week, actually. I miss being consumed by ana rather than consuming food. I also miss posting on here regularly. This has to be the most supportive community of strangers I've ever met. I'm going to start posting more as soon as I find the time. I still love you all, and I enjoy you guys introducing yourselves to me. I don't comment back anymore for the fact that it's nearly impossible to get a moment alone to fuck around on here.


Stay Strong,



XOXO Sophia Ruins <3