120 lbs cold cold cold

yesterday i binged on a whopper jr.

i ate 1/4 before i couldnt eat anymore without my stomach exploding.

i swear my stomach must be the size of an orange by now. i cant eat anymore than a cup of food anymore.


so i still had the cals i didnt want, but it wasnt as many as it could have been.

my weight didnt even move during the binge.

then i woke up this morning and it was 119 and since then its gone up to 120.


probably from all the tea ive been drinking.


yesterday i stayed up all night working off the whopper jr i had and today i had 15 calories.

no coffee.
havent been drinking anything but water and unsweetened tea.


my mom yesterday kept trying to convince me that i looked like i was anorexic.

i told her i hadnt noticed any weight loss and it was probably from me running around all the time doing errands.

she said that my cheekbones portrude.

i see no such thing.

she said that i look on the verge of being too thin.

i see no such thing.


so i push on.







ive been feeling a little out of my mind lately. havent talked to the people i met.
theyre ignoring me im assuming.
big surprise there.
it wouldnt be a first.

the only one i talk to is B.
and thats when he decides not to take five million fucking years to respond to me.
he called me stunning.
then said that i have a most unique personality.
i kept thinking 'he must think im a fat cow and is just telling me shit to get into my pants like every other guy i meet'.

judging form the kind of guy he seems,
theres no way in hell i plan on giving him the time of day.

we can be friends.
thats about it.

i want more from it.
im attracted to assholes.
why?
great question.

ill let you know when i find out the answer myself.


i feel so drained of energy.

i feel like i dont even have enough energy to take the three steps to my bed to sleep.
i feel hunger in the most extreme form in every fiber of my being but even if i decided i would eat, i dont think id have the energy to make the food let alone chew it.

along with this, i feel cold. the most cold ive ever felt.
i feel like ive been covered with an ice water covered blanket.
im wearing jeans with sweatpants over them and three sweaters.
i still feel like no matter what i do i cant get warm.

im not even going to bother changing into my pajamas.
i think i might surely die of hypothermia =']





im going to go lie down now.
fuck people that think thick is attractive.
cuz its not. =]



XOXO Sophia Ruins <3