ive had a bad past couple days and my mental health cant exactly afford me being hard on myself.
so today everything was unusually quite.
my shitty bipolar my mom was being nice, then got pissy when she found out i was ignoring her.
i wont be talking to her anymore.
as much as i can help.
i didnt go anywhere today.
just stayed inside and worked out, trying to get the fat off.
this morning i was 121 lbs.
im so glad im not 130 again.
im re-reading second star to the right.
and just for the record, B did NOT call.
or text.
or stop by to see if i was still breathing.
i refuse to text him.
or talk to him at all until he decides to stop being an asshole and make up his fucking mind.
he cant just decide he wants me and im 'the most amazing thing in his life' one second then the next second decide to ignore me.
i ate two pieces of pizza, a slice of bread, and 1/4th of a grapefruit. total for today is 333 calories.
ugh.
i fail.
im considering counting eating more than 400 calories a binge, and just trying to keep the number of calories a day under 300.
is that a lot?
i feel like thats a lot...
i would rather just eat 14 calories but i keep binging and im wondering if the problem is that i just need to up the calories so i feel like a fat disgusting lard ass all the time and itll motivate me to workout more and not to binge.
idk.
300 seems too much.
im so terrified of going back to the hundreds for fear that ill gain massive amounts of weight and i wont loose any.
14 seems better.
clean.
i feel like if i ate 300 calories then it would be different than one of you eating 300 calories.
like if i eat 300 then it makes me an automatic cow.
but if one of you eat 300 then it makes you strong.
like youve earned your stars to keep it at whatever number you want and youll always have ana [or mia].
but if i eat 300 ana will leave.
decisions decisions.
i geuss im going to try to keep everything at 300 calories.
see if it keeps me from binging for a few days.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
You shouldn't beat yourself up over 300. You'll still lose weight eating that little, and it will keep your metabolism fast.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thinspo :o)
Stay strong
xx, Daisy
definitely don't beat yourself up over 300, i agree with daisy... it may seem like a lot, but you need to kind of trick your metabolism a little so you prevent binges.. believe it or not 300 is extreme restricting for any body type, so stay calm, you can do it... if you're a bit under 300 then yay! but there's no sense it hurting your mind over it :p good luck love, thanks for the awesome thinspo!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean... I don't feel like a cow for eating 300 calories a day, but it certainly doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything big. And when I tally everything up at the end of the day, 300 seems like a terrifyingly huge number.
ReplyDeleteBut at the same time, eating that way WILL ensure that you lose weight... and it actually made me feel a little saner and more even-keeled.
Good luck :)
Wow, 300, i have trouble eating less than 400.. ive only just started restricting, so im trying but im not very creative with food.
ReplyDeleteLike ive said before hun, dont wait around for B to decide, you should decide for him. Do you really want a guy who changes his mind all the time. Hes done it so much already, and its not going to change any time soon.
Not talking or txting him is a good idea. But waiting around for him to txt you is just setting yourself up for disappointment when he doesn't.
Do you really like him? I dont really understand why you put up with him.
Sending you lots of love <3
xo
Many years ago, when I first started dieting, I ate 1200cal a day and thought that was impressive.
ReplyDeleteThen I started eating under 1000 and couldn't believe I could eat so little.
Then
800
600
500
Now 500 feels like a huge binge. It's just perspective that changes. Our minds are warped by figures
300 is great, stay strong xx
300 is really good in my opinion.
ReplyDeletei remember when i first started i
restricted to 800 calories
and that was hard...now if i ever
go over 500 i purge and hate myself.
if i can stay under 300 its
amazing and im in such a good mood!
and its enough to keep the headaches
and tummy grumbling away! :)