Morbid and Macabre

for the first time in a long time, i hid under my covers, and bawled my eyes out.

i pulled my curtains, turned off my lights, and got my room as close to pitch black as i could. just like old times.

feels like the wintery breath of depression is once again whispering in my ear like a drunken boy.




i went clothes shopping, and it was awful.

i didnt want to go in the first place, and of course it only ended in me binging my fat little heart out.

it was my moms idea. i figured id be fine in the clothes i already have. its not like i really go anywhere anyways.


but no, she insisted.

and so it was torture, once again.

i really dont have anything to say right now, except i hate everything.


my ex probably cheated on me because im fat. i cant really say i blame him.

i miss J.
if he were here, hed probably tell me to cut the bullshit and be stronger.

i hate myself, i hate my body, i hate my family.


my mom calls me insane, and says shes worried about me.
my step-fag tells me in fat and i should return to the treadmill.

and me? i say the worst shit of all to myself.




i feel like life is force feeding me cyanide.

im already dead, what the fuck are you doing shoving more down my throat?

overkill, much?

christ.



sorry about the lack of flow in this post.


and thanks everyone for being here for me. just knowing there are people willing to listen is enough to keep me from throwing myself off a bridge. [but wouldn't it be a romantic way to go?]





XOXO Sophia Ruins <3