my stomach is sore from being so expanded.
im getting rashes from all the grease I've been eating [its literally coming out of my skin while i sleep]
my throat is sore because im sick.
if i dont feel nauseous from all the food my stomach is bloated and uncomfortable.
but im happy.
for the first time in a long time.
im not really sure why.
but i think it has something to do with the fact that i know that i get to fast again starting tomorrow.
i love fasting for long times.
it feels so good.
sometimes ill be fasting and ill get a headache and try to blame it on what i ate last.
then ill realize it was nothing.
and before nothing, i ate more nothing.
and i feel so good.
so good.
for some reason i have this fascination with the holocaust.
it was so tragic and horrendous that i cant even fathom half the things i read about it.
but theres still a spark of interest surrounding it.
i want to know.
i want to hear these peoples stories, their thoughts, their feelings, and to not just read over words that describe what happened, but to go deeper than that.
it was such a sick awful thing but it was a piece of the worlds history nonetheless.
a demonstration of how honestly twisted some people can be.
im currently reading Night by Elie Wiesel.
i cant think of any words that sum it up better than powerful.
its a powerful book.
maybe thats why i think of anorexia as powerful.
because a person doesnt even have to say a word for everyone to know theres something wrong.
its written all over their bones.
a silent testament.
tomorrow, i put down the fork and i start my new fast.
it was supposed to be today, but i woke up in a cloud of negativity thinking that everything was pointless and ate the first thing i could see.
i guess im really not a morning person.
ill get caught up with all your blogs sometime soon i hope.
oh yeah and savory sick, if youre reading this [which i hope you are D=] my computer fucks up every time i go to your page so thats why i [still] havent commented you back.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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of course I am reading ;)
ReplyDeleteHmm... this is greatly upsetting. I'll look and see if there's any weird apps or things on my blog that might be freaking out anyone's browsers.
All my love! Sorry about the nachos. My mom just made me eat a huge fried nugget, mayonaise hamburger thing so I feel your pain.
I find the Holocaust extremely eerily fascinating as well. You always have a curious way of pulling thoughts out of my head and saying them in a way I never would be able to :)
i read that book it is literally one of my favorites im fascinated with it i could read it over and over weird i no but it just cuts so deep like i can feel his pain
ReplyDeleteI know just how you feel with the holocaust. I have the same fascination with communist China. Somehow doesn't sound so exciting.
ReplyDeleteit was supposed to be today, but i woke up in a cloud of negativity thinking that everything was pointless and ate the first thing i could see.
i guess im really not a morning person.
Ha I love that for some reason. I hope you're writing a book already because I want to read it ^^
I have the same fascination..
ReplyDeleteWith wars also, like vietnam.
Idk why. It's all bad and horrible..
But I'm so curious.
Im gonna follow your blog.
I totally relate with the thinking back to what you ate and realizing it's nothing and loooving that feeling!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck fasting, love!
"and before nothing, i ate more nothing."
ReplyDeletehehe. it made me laugh :) i love that feeling too :)))
<33
I love your anger :) I've read all your posts and just wanted to say you've inspired me moreso on my quest. How do you deal with people you love telling you to put on weight or not lose anymore? My boyfriend, his mum, dad, family friend, and two neighbours who are all really close are noticing and tried to mention it to my mum but she hasn't noticed. So how do you do it?. Andrea
ReplyDeletePost soon please! :)
ReplyDelete