okay so i weigh 121.0.
im so ecstatic i dont even know how to word this post right.
ive been fasting for 5 days [today is day 5] and i plan to fast for 4 more days making it a 9 day fast.
and,
i refuse to stop fasting until i get down to at least 118 but im hoping for lower.
i hit 128.0 lbs before i finally decided this binging shit has to stop.
in total ive lost 7 lbs so far, and it hasnt even been hard.
i swear, i havent even noticed.
i fake eating breakfast by mixing 2 tablespoons of skim milk with a half cup of water and a tablespoon of oatmeal oats. [and tons of splenda]
the milk gives it coloration and the oats make it look like watered down oatmeal.
i usually just drink / spoon half the water/milk because it tastes amazing with the splenda but i stay far far away from those oats at the bottom of the bowl.
another thing is my mom and i decided were going home. were not staying in this sucky ass state with these god forsaken people.
i get to go back home to my fake friends, my asshole stepdad that i dont hate anymore, my dog that i miss terribly, and my canned corn.
i have to say that out of everything ive missed, ive most missed the comfort of knowing exactly what to eat everyday with a steady supply of coke zero canned vegetables and splenda.
also,
i want to write.
i want a clean empty notebook and a pen and i just want to write and write and write.
to just pour my soul out into a story and make the characters as alive as i am.
to create a place to escape to, even if its only for a little while.
but for some reason i cant.
i feel like im incapable of writing something fantastic and, in my head, if the end result isnt amazing then theres no point in wasting time doing it.
i feel like theres this block keeping me from creating.
i have this horrible habit of writing most of a book then stopping just before the end and not being able to finish.
i just quit without a solid reason and i hate it.
one of these days though, im going to write a book and im going to finish it.
not because i have to but because i want to.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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I think you definitely should write. I think you're a great writer. It can take you to places you can only imagine. Keep your strength up, sister.
ReplyDelete9 days omg thats soooo good!! awesome job!! remember to drink a lotta water and thatll keep your metabo up :) especially in the morning!!
ReplyDeletekeep it up hun!
well done!!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you write, keep doing it and who knows what possibilities will arise? Your wonderful thinness is a true inspiration to me. Please keep writing and updating on your food restriction, thanks!! : )
ReplyDeleteNine is a good number. Rooting you on.
ReplyDeleteWrite. You are so good at it. Truly. So many people say they want to be writers, and I secretly scoff and them and roll my eyes, but I really want to see you in bookstores and hipsters reading you in cafes while they drink their tea with Equal.
Glad you are going home to a routine ;)
GOOD JOB WITH LOSING WEIGHT!
ReplyDeleteI'm the same with the writing. I mean...I am a writer. I've worked at websites, been published once, and I'm working on a novel right now for a publisher (hopefully they accept it), and it's...so hard to fight through that, you know?
There's one thing that I learned though, you know? Sometimes, you have to get over that phobia of perfection. I did this...thing...where I would write ten pages. That's it. I wouldn't think what I would do or say. I would sit down, and just write. Nonsense, poetry, random excerpts from stories. I wouldn't stop until I had ten pages. It was my act of control, just like restricting has been one. Just...write and write and write and don't stop until you've done the ten pages. It helps to clear up that block a bit, and forces you to let go of the idea of perfection long enough to actually get something out.
I hope that helps.
i agree with all of these comments!
ReplyDeletewell done on the weight! i'm so jealous right now!!
i reckon a diary would be good, something to pour your emotions into, i might start one too
i hope you're going okay and things are good
stay strong