120 lbs exactly.
and im fucking fatter than i felt at 130.
i went clothes shopping with my mom today, which was a gigantic mistake.
i didnt fit into anything, everything looked horrible on me, and i ended up with nothing except my mom screaming at me (loud anough so that anyone within a mile radius could hear) and saying shit like 'you keep starving yourself and its not getting you anywhere. when are you going to realize that the only way your going to lose weight is to exercise'
fuck.
you.
ive been going to the gym everyday since ive been here.
an hour on the treadmill and hour of swimming.
and no, you cant 'eat whatever you want and still look great' with exercise.
there is no such fucking thing as looking great while eating real food.
i hate my body so fucking much its not even funny.
i hate every single thing about it.
my hips are too wide.
my chest is too big.
my rib cage is too big.
i hate my legs
i hate my arms
i hate myself.
and im so fucking frustrated i dont even know what to do.
i keep trying to get all this anger out and make myself stop being frustrated but nothing is helping.
i dont ever want to go clothes shopping again and i dont ever want to get on another fucking scale again and i dont ever want to see food again and i just want to sleep and sleep and sleep and then sleep some more.
losing weight isnt doing anything for me anymore.
ive seen all of these numbers too many times.
130
128
127
125
123
down to 120
fail
try again
back up to 130.
and down the ladder again.
i had low fat coffee.
i dont want to know how many calories are in it.
im sure there are a billion.
id rather just go throw it up so i dont have to worry about it but im positive its already given me massive love handles.
cant throw up whats already fat.
and another thing for me to be completey pissed about:
i ordered the metabolism miracle from amazon and paid extra for shipping only to find out that im not going to get it for another fucking month.
and in another month, ill be in a different state.
fuck
fuck
fuckity
fuck
fuck.
fuck
my
fucking
life.
im going to go do some sit ups now, even though we all know ITS NOT GOING TO HELP MY FAT ASS.
XOXO Sophia Fuck-Up <3
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can you call amazon or something to change the shipping address??
ReplyDeleteAlso, I hate clothes shopping. I just wear all my fat clothes because I like people not seeing my body and then I don't have to try on new clothes. The Olsen Twins weren't just being fashion with their oversized look, I'm sure lol.
awwww im so sorry about the clothes and the pills and everything. *hugs*
ReplyDelete<33
im so sorry that life has been so rough for you love.
ReplyDeletejust hang in there okay?
i saw your pictures and you look beautiful.
at least people arent telling you that "you're getting chubby"
it happened to me...last night.
felt like...shit.
just keep your pretty little head up!!!
i feel like shit too...im just so tired of going up and down but i can't stop fighting my fatness. i just had a huge binge of stew and rubarb pie and I cant make myself throw up. ugh. overweight/normal people simply dont understand what you NEED to do to be thin. if it was fucking easy then they would be thin too.
ReplyDeletedamn...im ranting too..ED's are the best!!!