Idk?

so this is the fail portion of the weight loss.
my mom forced me [yes, FORCED ME] to eat yesterday.
not fruits, not vegetables, not healthy food,

but nachos.

she took away my computer, my phone, my ipod, and my guitar and told me that i wouldnt get any back until i ate "real food".

what made her flip out?
she watched a documentary about anorexia.


then she decided that she was required to ruin my life and my weight by shoving nachos in my face.

i managed to do nothing for a good 6 hours before realizing that i had a deadline for school work and if i didnt finish my work, id basically fail at life.

i told her it wasnt fair and that i just didnt want to eat unhealthy food and that it was wrong for her to force me to eat shitty food when id gladly eat something healthy instead.

but she didnt take it.

she said i either eat the fucking chips or it was no deal.


then my uncle stepped in.

'if you keep saying its not such a big deal then why dont you just eat the nachos?'


yeah, thanx uncle.

youre such joy to be around.


so, i ate the nachos.

not to shut her up.

not to prove any points.

not because i was hungry.


but because i need a passing grade in french.



you can imagine after i had that one taste of glory how i felt.

it sucked.

it was instant hunger.


so, i binged.

even though i had half a plate of nachos, i went on to other foods until my stomach was so uncomfortably full i could barely walk right.

i went to lie down and sat there all night stressing out.

got up this morning, checked my weight, and then bawled my eyes out when i saw 127 lbs.

i was doing so well...

and all day today ive been binging, mourning the loss of my 119 lb label.


now, i see the fact that im only making it worse and that it cant be possible to gain 8 lbs of pure fat.

at least 4 lbs out of that has to be water [or undigested food. ew. ew. ew.] weight.


so.


heres my course of action:

fast until friday?

it doesnt have the same shine as it did a few days ago.

and i dont know what else to do.


so.


i geuss starting tomorrow im embarking on the new repentance fast.





=/

i cant wait to move out and get my own damn house so people cant shove food in my mouth whenever they feel like it.



love you all,

XOXO Sophia Ruins <3