Jealousy Rant and Good Stuff

okay so you guys wouldnt believe how hard it is to find a solid moment to write a blog in this house.

its completely chaotic here, and im not adjusting too well.


i found out my weight scale was broken yesterday since the night before [it was brutally murdered by a hoard of spoon wielding children] and i had a melt-down-esque crying binging spell for a few hours after everyone had left before i finally went to sleep.

woke up this morning, and my mother [who seems to be more on my side than ever lately] had bought me a brand new scale complete with body fat content and water weight percentage.


i was terrified of getting on so i ended up cleaning the house in an effort to stay away from the truth.

i finally got on, and i weighed 123.0 lbs.


after eating all those rice crispy treats, brownies, banana splits, and corn on the cobb covered with mayonnaise covered with chili, i was completely conviced that i weighed somewhere around 135 lbs.

i feel sooooo incredibly good.


i feel like all those hours at the gym have been paying off. [i only do an hour of treadmill and an hour of swimming and i havent been more than three days so i dont really know what im talking about when i say 'all those hours'].


on the bad side of things, my mom and my grandma are incredibly involved in what i eat everyday, how much of it i eat, and how much time i spend in the kitchen.

my mom has taken to calling me into the kitchen and telling me its time for me to 'eat some food'. ive been trying to eat everything i eat in front of her, and make sure she sees me snacking a lot, but its not doing any good.


when it comes down to it, she cant physically shove food into my mouth [at least i dont think] so im not too worried.


speaking of things my mom is forcing me to do, shes forcing me to go back into modeling in the next few weeks [she has incredible leverage over me right now because of a few things i did that i owe her for] and so you can imagine the pool of panic im in right now.

my school work is almost 3 weeks behind, my classes ended a week ago, the house is too small to even OPEN her laptop here, my grandma has WAY too many foster / day care kids, and i need to take off a good amount of pounds before those animalistic modeling agents get thier 3-inch manicured claws on me.

not to mention the fact that my aunts and uncles keep coming up with favors for me to do them, no matter how many times i politley refuse and explain that i honestly cant.



oh god and i HAVE to touch on the subject of my cousin.

hes a year older than me,
he has a STUNNING, thin-as-sin, nicer-than-thou girlfriend who makes me want to scream,
he has a brand new car [sports car, btw]
he already got offered to go to harvard law,
has the body of a male model [disguting yes, creepy yes, true, unfortunatley.]
has a great relationship with his mom and dad,
has an even better relationship with his sister,
has tons of friends [ive met quite a few and it seems like everywhere we go at least 4 people recognize him from school alone]
and as much as i hate to admit it, i am completely jealous of him.


hes annoying in the sense that hes sublty rubs everyone of his accomplishments in my face.

enough so that i know hes doing it, but not enough so that anyone else does.


i swear, if im not running into five billion of his friends telling me how 'awesome' he is in walmart, then im stumbling over his [many] sports trophies. [swimming, baseball, basketball, tennis, football. you name it and hes probably already got a trophy for it].



there really isnt anything i can do about it, but deal with how annoying he is, and stay away from him. which is kind of hard to do when hes over at the house in staying in almost everyday [with his equally annoying girlfriend might i add.]




okay so enough bitching.

im having a good day and celebrating the fact that after so much binging i weigh 123 lbs and that ive had 25 calories today, but have managed to fake eating over 1000.




love you all dearly,


XOXO Sophia Ruins <3