Fuck.
i binged.
i was sitting in a restaraunt, and managed to refuse food the entire time we were in public, but then when i got home, i broke.
i tried to shower to get my mind off it.
i exercised to get my mind off it.
i took tylenol pm so i would sleep and not eat.
but instead, i just sat half awake, listening to my stomach grumble, before i finally went and ate 3 fried dumplings, 3 shrimp, and two spoonfuls of yogurt.
today i weigh 127.0
fuck.
my.
life.
so today i work out all day, no hanging out with friends, no tv, nothing but dance all day [for the metabolism benefits]
and the worst part is i cant fast, because of my metabolism being already jacked up so theres really no making up for this.
i was doing so well!
it had been such a long time before i had binged...
but i had to fuck it up.
tarnish the record once more.
now all i can do is decide what amount of calories im going to have today.
im thinking of just setting it at 90 so i can eat that plain crepe sitting on the counter.
i want it so baddddddd.
maybe ill set it at 100.
no.
wait.
thats way too high.
90.
no...
95.
perfect number.
95.
ive also come up with a plan.
well less a plan and more like philosophy:
if i eat more calories than how much i want to weigh, ill never get there.
so no going over 105 calories.
ill write more intriguing things later, i promise.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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all that exercise will have done you good and i bet those 2lbs are just water weight
ReplyDeletei love your not eating more calories then you want to weigh philosophy
forgive yourself and go back to doing well
xo
your weight is just water, no stress - you'll get back to restricting and be fine!
ReplyDeletei love it !! Xx
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others its just water weight don't get discouraged you can do it! I bet that small tiny binge didn't hurt you at all you'll see.
ReplyDeleteSophia, apparently restricting to the minimum and fasting both have exactly the same effect on your metabolism. You're body goes into starvation mode and your metabolism slows down. Either way same effect on the rate that calories are burned up. But with restricting... your body can cling to the stuff you're eating... even if it's like NOTHING.
ReplyDeleteJust something to think about.
Luuuurve you. Xxx
your metabolism does slow down drastically, and the only way to keep it up is to eat throughout the day.
ReplyDeleteits possible to keep up metabolism with intensely decreased caloric intake.
if starvation mode wasnt all bullshit, then Ethiopian children would weigh 200 lbs.
your body can cling to food with major restriction, but its such an insignificant amount, it wouldnt show up as a significant amount on the scale.
lurve you backsies =]
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
it def depends WHAT you eat too that matters. would you rather have your bod cling to oil (fat) or protein??
ReplyDeleteand i binged too :( i think i worked it off good enough like you did too. just remember how far youve come, and its not worth any ampount or type of food in the world!! water is the best indulgance if ive ever heard of one, and flavored should be FORBIDDEN :]] :P yum yum yum think of that before your next binge, and just have a water binge!
much love, keep it up baaaabe
xx
here's a strategy that may help you not binge at home. don't eat there. eat when you're in a situation that you're supposed to eat. it looks weird at a restaurant if you don't eat something. so get a salad with dressed on the side and pick at it. leafy fiber will make you feel fuller and then you've got no excuse to eat at home. you've also then taken care of arousing suspicion, but eating something when someone would expect you to.
ReplyDeletekeep thinking thin babe.
That's not a bad binge, but I understand how it feels. It may not be a billion fucking calories, but it's the fact that you ate without control.
ReplyDeleteI like so_alones idea.
Stay strong love. You're going to be fine. It'll come off before you know it.
hey girl, i've been reading your stuff for a while but made an account today so i could comment.
ReplyDeletehave you tried cinnamon and sugar blocker pills? they are both around 10$ in the diabetes section at walmart. i got them both 2days ago and I can feel a real difference in my cravings. It regulates your blood sugar so even if you eat a sugary thing or get the munchies (like urs truly) your levels won't plummet and you wont want to eat even more.
anywho pretty lady, keep writing, and keep on keepn on!!
Sophia, darling, I love you so much. Your comment on my last miserable post really helped me. Honest and real. You are a delight my girl. Very special.
ReplyDeleteYou'll beat the binging, you are strong and beautiful x