Grave Digger

ughh
okay so im positive that my weight without water is 125 lbs.
the day i weighed that i was wayyy dehydrated all day long so that might have been a cause.
either way, i weigh 128.0 lbs.
wanna know why?
because my fat ass decided to binge on half a slice of organic pizza yesterday after i had already had a 70 calorie salad.
ugh,
fuck fuck fuck.
so i worked out for half an hour because im lazy as all hell and i stil feel horrible about it for three reasons:

a) im going to go hang out with my best friends girlfriend tomorrow and i HAVE TO LOOK THIN.
b) im goin to see this guy next week and he happens to be one of the few people that know and i havent seen him in like a year and im so positive that he thinks my 'disease' has turned me into this thin beautiful girl when in reality ive been sabotaging myself so im just a big fat whale and hes going to hate me and think im lying for attention and hes probably assuming im underweight by now even though im FAR from it. I HAVE TO LOOK THIN.
and c) im leaving to see all my family in two weeks and a day. i HAVE TO LOOK THIN.


okay b) is definitely the one im having the most problems with.

128.0
128.0
128.0


fuck.

i know hes going to know i weigh exactly 128.0

he knows everything.
everything.

fuck.
i dont want him to come over anymore. wtf was i thinking when i invited him?
omg i miss him though.
i miss him but im fat and idk what to do.


ive basically dug my own grave with this.
i couldve stayed on track a longggggg time ago but i didnt want to. i kept reaching for the pizza like it was going out of style.
and now im dead.
dead in a grave dug by myself.





XOXO Sophia Ruins <3