okay so i finally have a connection no internet that i can use for more than two seconds.
well i kind of do.
okay so me and my mom got that gym membership.
its not helping me since ive been binging the past 5 days or so.
when i say binging i mean feverishly consuming everything in sight.
im afraid to even look at the scale.
i miss posting on here almost everyday.
i miss reading all your blogs.
i miss getting on the scale every morning anxious to see what i weigh.
i miss being hungry.
i have absolutley no inspiration to stop shoveling.
ive been really depressed [and then really happy and really depressed again] these past few days.
all of the anxiety issues i had when i was staying in this state the last time have all come back.
if i said i was doing well id be lying.
im stuck in a house the size of a shoebox with 12 children, my grandma, two nannies, my mom and my sister.
no one speaks english in the house except me my mom and my sister.
on the bright side, B is still begging me to take him back and getting mad when i dont text him back [ever].
unfortunatley, im two weeks behind with school work and i dont feel like getting any of it done anymore.
im really not sure what to tell you guys except ive given up.
there really isnt an ounce of determination left in me.
i know at some point im going to have to pick myself up and try again but i just dont feel like it.
i dont want to try anymore because im tired of failing.
my life feels like its scattered all over the place.
i kind of want to go home but i hate it there.
i kind of want to stay here but i hate it here.
i kind of dont feel like myself anymore but i dont care.
maybe ill try tomorrow.
just maybe.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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I know how you feel darl.
ReplyDeleteBut I also know you, and you are one of the strongest girls in this community and i know you will pick yourself up and when you do, you will shine! Hope things get easier soon.
Lots of love.
hey, sorry to hear ur not goin so well. nothing lasts forever though....
ReplyDeleteOh God. Sophia come on, pick yourself up! You are so so strong and I can't believe you're giving in.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you doing this? What are the reasons you started eating next to nothing in the first place? Because you want to be thin. But think WHY you want to be thin! Think about all the amazing stuff that comes with it.
I know you can do this.
Stop eating so much.
Down to the bones remember?
x x x
you can do it!
ReplyDeleteive read all your blogs, and your very inspiring and so so strong.
please come back!!!
<3
you sound like a very strong person, so hang in there
ReplyDeletethings will get better with time
just think about the things that you want and aim towards them
stay strong xox
dont give up
ReplyDelete