Okay so fasted through the 9th and the day of the 10th, but once night rolled around I broke down and had a salad and then some chips :/
Shaaaame.
So today I wanted to fast to make up for yesterday but I [finally] know better than that.
If I fast now, Ill end up binging since I have to work all day today around sweets.
So im hoping if I eat something healthy and get full now I wont have to deal with an earth shattering sweets-binge.
I dont know how much I weigh, but im sure its probably around 127/128 which is pretty sickening.
Oh yeah and I found out yesterday that I am NOT in fact 5'6 anymore, but am 5'7.
Now if I could only lose all this fucking weight, then I could take up those modeling offers and make some REAL money.
I bought tons of clothes yesterday, which is great because I didnt end up bawling my eyes out about being fat. I just looked for shit that looked nice and went for it.
GOD I JUST WISH I WAS THIN.
I keep reminding myself that its been over a YEAR and ive made absolutely no progress.
The lowest I got down to was 115 or something like that.
Wait no, I think it was lower... It might've been in the hundreds or something.
I really have no idea.
If that doesnt shatter my hopes and dreams for ever being thin, I dont know what does.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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i think when you were in hospital was the lowest, something with a four in it. 114 or 104
ReplyDeletegod i envy your height so much.
ReplyDeleteyou just need to keep trying out different strategies till you find something that works for your body. everyone is different and in turn will lose differently. i guarantee that once you find what works youll be back down to your lowest in no time.
its great that you were able to get clothes, i wish i had your strength. if i even get close to a mirror i feel like im melting into a puddle of fat. what matters most is your happyness.
stay strong and hang in there,
*hugs*
meg
Oh hun you will get there. stay strong i know you have the strength to do it! and smart choice on not fasting, because the biggest let down ever is binging. But thats so cool you have modeling offers! Thats amazing really!? I wish i could be thin too! but we will be soon!
ReplyDeletestAy stroNg! thiN(k) thiN!
xoxo Lyndee
I know how it feels. It's like so much work with so little results it almost doesn't seem worth it...
ReplyDeleteoh man - you are so right!!! I just looked at the stats I keep over time and realized that year after year I go up and down and up and down and I have yet to reach a "goal" I am happy with. I struggle with this every single waking moment of my life to just end up where I started. If I didn't take on this struggle - would I just balloon up like an elephant?? or would I be the same I am right now??
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