Taste the Colors

Okay so I weighed myself today, which was [once again] a huge mistake.

I know I complain about this ALL the time, but seriously, wtf?

Im 128 lbs, which means my weight hasnt gone ANYWHERE.

It also means that me fitting into a size four has to be impossible.

So I guess im going to go find some more size fours in my attic or something and try them on, then burst into tears and eat like a pig when they dont fit.


Im trying really fucking hard to be patient with my body. I mean I get that Ive been fucking it up for a solid year, without stopping much, but why isn't it responding like it used to?


Its ironic that by the time I get good enough at restricting my metabolism is too fucked up for it to matter.



Maybe I need to stop focusing on weight, and more on the intake.

I think thats what ill do.

Ill just focus more on accomplishing an exercise routine and a low intake instead of how impossible my body is.





I really want to fast today, but im afraid of failing.

Its funny how thats ALWAYS whats stopping me from accomplishing things.





Holy shit and I wanted to tell you guys the strangest thing that happened to me yesterday. You're so not going to believe this:


So I met this lady in the checkout line, and she randomly started gushing about how "beautiful my aura was". So naturally I thanked her and thought that she must be full of shit because A) I can sometimes see them and I knew my aura wasnt anything spectacular that day, B) ive had people say that, then offer me their 400 dollar an hour services, and C) I stand by the notion that I am a logical person.

Well she goes 'can I read your palms? I work at a shop and usually charge, but i'm just dying to know.' So I wonder 'know what?' but instead ask her what hand she wants to see. She says "left since you're right handed" and I give her my left.

The second she touches my hand, she exclaims "Oh gosh! Why aren't you still writing?" I say "what?" and she says "its the classic pianist with the broken hands story. You're not writing like you used to because your afraid you wont be as good as you used to and your minds always going a million miles an hour about everything else."
I say "well, I did used to write a lot" blushing wildly and not wanting to lead her onto anything else.
then she goes "Books. you have books written, not just small essays and such. More like novels."
Bingo. I say "Yeah I do." Big grin.
Then she says "you're fanatic about something though. Its something negative." I start sweating, hoping to god she doesnt scream "ANOREXIC!" in the middle of the store.
She touches my stomach and says "something about your stomach." She squints her eyes at me, and give me a stern look. I almost had a heart attack on the spot.
She quickly moves on. "theres a boy you used to know. He also wrote, but wasn't who you thought he was. Pretty eyes, and older." could it be?! Could she be talking about.. *gasp* writer boy? Shes no longer looking at my palms, but rather my eyes.

Now, I know a thing or two about the whole psychic/aura/palmistry thing. When I was a lot younger, I used to love that kind of stuff, but as I got older I decided that the majority of it was more than likely untrue. One thing I know for a fact though, is that when someone can see your aura, there is NO fucking way in HELL you can lie to them. The colors get all messed up and its extremely obvious, even if the persons face doesnt change a bit.
Now im not blessed with being able to see these things all the time, or else I wouldnt get myself into things with the wrong people, but I do know what a liars colors look like.

She continues. "boys. two of them really care about you, but you only have one person on your mind." oh god, please let the one I want care about me. PLEASE.
"this boy you really like feels the same way about you, but hes far from you and the relationship would be hard." How the hell is she so good at this? I dont say anything for fear she'll stop.

"also, money. You're going to have a lot of money when you're older. I don't get to say this often, but i'm pretty confident youll live a very luxurious life no matter what career path you choose." I almost orgasm when I hear that. SWEETBABYJESUSMOTHEROFGOD. Moneyyyyyy *slobber slobber*.


"Theres a negative family relationship between your mother and your father. No no wait, your mother and her boyfriend." At this point we're standing off to the side, out of peoples ways.

"yeah, hes insane!" I yell, excitedly.

"Is this man physically and emotionally abusive?" she asks. Oh god. What do I say. What do I say.

"No.." I say. Im a good liar, but I already know shes going to catch me.

"We both know you're lying." she says smiling kindly. I blush some more. "you have the same gift as I do. It just needs to be harnessed." Jaw dropping.

"Well, I'd better get going." she says, giving me a giant hug.

"thank you SO much! you're REALLY good! Can I get your number?" I take down her number and sprint back to the car to tell my mom what happened. My mom is astounded, and believes me. Thank god.


I STILL cant believe she was so on the dot with everything. Im definitely going to get back to writing soon, and stop stressing about whether or not im going to have money when im older.





XOXO Sophia Ruins <3