Alright, so im still really upset/pissed off/ horrified by last night.
My body just isn't RIGHT for it? Why can't my body be right for it? WHY do I have to have this body. I dont WANT tits and ass and curves. They're so fucking overrated.
I mean of course I dont want to be flat chested or anything, but I certainly dont want any more fat.
Im starting to think my ex might actually be a good guy and I cant believe he KNOWS.
Im really embarrassed, and I just hope he doesn't tell anyone else. I also hope he doesn't say anything to my parents about what happened. I would be mortified if they knew.
I think I might avoid him for a while until so I can pretend he forgot about it.
So last night I stayed up to binge and purge and binge and purge and binge and leave it in and binge some more.
This morning I weighed at 124.0 lbs.
My body hates me.
I really miss the summer.
The warm weather and the beach, and getting to wear shorts.
I still regret not staying at the weight I was there.
I just need some fucking warm weather. Its been freezing here lately.
So the plan is to fast today and try to NOT end up binging.
I think I just might give up on everything if I'm not thin by the end of this month.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
124 is 10 pounds lighter than me at 5'7, and I look forward to the day I can wear shorts without wanting to rip my legs right off. the summer is never a time I look forward to. i hate showing off my disgusting body
ReplyDeleteyeah its hard to stay positive if your not a winter person. i love cold...or maybe i love the fact that i can hide my fat under puffy coats and baggy sweaters.. try to hang in there sophia, i know its hard right now but you have to push past this. your stronger than this. your stronger than any food or any stupid boys comments. just try and take things slow, maybe try alternating between 800 cals and 500 cals for a week to see if that helps? you just need a set plan that doesnt make you feel like your deprived. i know it helped me to go to the store and buy some low cal great tasting foods (like my beloved 90 cal brownie ice cream).
ReplyDeletebut if you feel like this isnt right for you and you are unhappy by the end of the month then thats okay too, i just dont want you to stop blogging...okay yeah thats selfish of me but damnit... im selfish.
hang in there k?
hugs*
meg
Don't give up Sophia! You're strong. You can do this. The weight is coming off. 124 is skinny. Keep going. I believe in you! x x x
ReplyDeleteSorry Sophia, my last comment sounded a bit... stupid and lurid. I really did not mean to sound like that :C Of course having blue lips and a black toigne and bruised cheeks is terrible and I can only imagine how horrible you must have felt that night :(
ReplyDeleteHuge sorry from me again =(
And don't worry too muc about 124 lbs! gainig 4lbs withing such a short time sounds just impossible...you body can nt possibly be so evil to you after such a good new year startin weight ! >:(
I don't know what to say. Your pain cannot be on any other person's level. It seems so hard and I wish I was there to comfort you somehow. A hug from a fellow Ana. You will shed the 124 pounds back down to the 116 that you just were. It is probably water weight because your body is protecting itself. You will lose it soon. Take a few water loss pills and your should be fine.
ReplyDeleteTake care love, you can do this.
Sophia I love you so much PLEASE don't give up. Please?
ReplyDeleteI want to bring you down here where it is sunny and warm and there are no binge foods (Stoner flatmates ate them all). We can lie in the sunshine and get nice lasting central otago tans.
I want to hug you. Don't go.