okay i fucked up. i fucked up real bad this time. i broke the cardinal rule. i went out of the house without and lowcal food and forgot to eat before i left. i thought id be gone for half an hour at most but we ended up being out from 11 to 3:30. fuck.
so i was running on low and that usually when i binge and i was just with my mom so she said she wanted to get mcdonalds for lunch and i said i wasnt hungry and just got a diet coke.
so then i went to the bathroom to look at my thighs [yes i know im demented]to see if they got any bigger but instead i ended up finding that my hipbones dont stick out anymore like they used to, theres like an extra layer of fat over them THEY DONT EVE FEEL SHARP ANYMORE
so i freaked the fuck out and felt like crying and i was so hungry and really hungover [dont ask]and had a horrible headache and was getting shaky because i was hungry and i got so upset i thought 'fuck it, if my body wants fat then ill give it fat' so i went up to the counter and asked for a big mac, large fries, and pie and i inhaled all of it. i even got a non-diet coke and i kept telling myself to stop but i couldnt i just kept shoving it down... i almost choked and people were staring and my mom was like 'oh well' and then after i finished i just sat there and felt worse than ive ever felt before. so i checked the calories and i ate 1205 calories IN ONE SITTING. holy shit and i felt so sick and now i feel sick to my stomach and i realize ive erased all the work ive done over the past three days and yesterday was so good i have 200 cals, i got on the magic number exactly and i didnt fuck up but now its over ive ruined everything wtf
omfggg
iim on the verge of a mental breakdown.
FUCK BURGERS
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omg the exact same thing happened to me the other day. I know this is the time when you feel like such a fucking failure but dont let it get you down just work hard for the next few days and make sure you keep low cal stuff on you at all times. stay strong hun =)
ReplyDeleteits going to be okay!!
ReplyDeletei believe in you sweetheart.
<3
stay strong.
Returning to ana is a lot harder than staying there. But once you do it will be smooth sailing!
ReplyDeleteDon't give up.
i had five krispy creem donuts, alottt of buffalor wings and mashed potatoes and gravy all equalling about ohh.idunno. krispy cream donuts are 190 each x5 950 plus the millions of kcals in those fucking buffalo wings AND mashed potatoes AND gravy. but i told myself 'thats the fucking reward' so i indulged for the last time; the 'grand finale' and i considered it that. you should too ^^
ReplyDeletetruueee,
ReplyDeletei never thought about it as a grand finale
hmmm
thank you guys for all the support, it really means a lot =']
I did a similar thing the other day, and miraculously didn't gain any weight from it. Don't worry too much. Really, this is just the day that's going to confuse your metabolism.
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