oaky so im really upsewt about this. it sucks horribly.
si earlier, i was really close to binging, so i just decided to cut it off and end it well. so i had a bell pepper [only 20 cals] and was very happy with myself. my weight didnt go up or anything so i was feeling amazing. then my friend J comes over to hang out and we watched movies and then ended up running around outside an it was a lot of fun. well my parents werent home, and so we come back inside and he goes "hey can i check my myspace on your computer?" so i go "sure" and he gets on my computer and decides to paly music. so he types "th" on youtube for three days graces but what do you know, thinpo pops up under history instead.
so he flips his shit because his sister used to be bulimic and hes all like "you arent doing this to yourself are you?" and i spaz out and im like "no of course not, are you insane" and he goes "look i notice when you look at the back of food boxes, i see you write calorie numbers on your hand theres no point in pretending anymore." and i go "wtf is wrong with you? im not bulimic!" whihc is true, and he goes "anorexic either?" and i go "that either." and i felt really bad and i started feeling realy sick to my stomach [which i think might have been because of the fasting right after i was sick] and he says "are you okay? you look really pale" so i was like im fine and we went into my kitchen, then he picks up a 300 cal ramen noodle cup of soup and goes "eat this then." and im like "why i already ate" then he flips out and goes "dont give me bullshit! just eat it.. please.." and i could see so much hurt in his eyes and it tore me up so badly inside so i ate the fucking soup just to shut him up and now i feel even sicker before and god i feel so awful and i wish i hadnt have eaten it and i wish that jake didnt know and i wish tonight didnt happen and im terrifiued that he might tell someone and my mind is going at a million miles per hour and tomorrow im starting a new fast to earase the fuck up i ahd today.
IDK WHAT TO DO.
PLEASE HELP?
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ohmigosh. this is going to sound totally irrelivant; but is he cute? a guy that cares that much really shouldnt be missed. and dont worry about the three hundred kcals or so. its not that bad, tomorrow your fast will erase it all. do you think he will tell anyone? i mean, is he like that badly invasive? he would.absolutely.not.and if he did, then you really wouldnt have anything to worry about, i'd just tell them it was for a school project or something. seriously. do you have a health class? tell them [whoever 'them' might be incase he tells] that you have a paper to write about a health issue assigned to you. itll work im sure. and if it doesnt, then id just put up with their nagging about eating and completely disregard it, even if it is hell. its not like theyll put you in an asylum. okay hun? dont worry so much about it. worrying only makes it worse <3
ReplyDeleteThis situation is still salvageable, I think. He might be watching you, so maybe fill a whole-milk chug with water and drink it in front of him once or twice. Unless he's the type who'd want to share your drink, that could be a good idea. Saying you're germy could prevent that too. You can spit out solid foods when he's not looking, or maybe decide to only eat around him. That might work, now that I think about it. Though maybe it's kind of wrong to use him for your illness. Might be necessary, though. Maybe put your fast on hiatus too. It's good for the metabolism to mix things up every once in a while, I'm sure you know that
ReplyDeleteI know how annoying it is. I have 4 friends who know about my ED and they are all over it...except the way I handle it is saying: "Oh I know it's such a lie, I'm really trying...I promise I'm trying." And then instead of trying to shove food down my throat, they just nod sadly at each other when I pick at my salad during lunch and then they say they need to pray for me more and stuff like that. Idk if your friends will act that way but the whole "I'm trying!" thing seems to work for me.
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