okay so im not sure where i stand on this whole 'i want to not eat, but i want to eat' thing.
i mean everytime i quit and try to eat like a normal person for my health [and growth] i cant but the second i get back into the whole 'dont eat' thing i want to stuff my face like a poor somalian child.
ive done nothing but fuck up my metabolism which at this point is running slower than jessica simpsons brain. ive gained weight [i weigh 126 now. highest this year; highest in a really long time] and i feel completely worthless. its like, i hate being fat but shit keeps coming up, and then i get upset and start eating, and then everythings blown for the day. i hate being fat and i want to loose weight but i dont see the point in not eating anymore. it just seems like a pointless game i always end up loosing and have no fun playing, so why play it.
the most ive lost weight was 14 lbs in 2 months. it mightve been 3 months. im just so sick of the bullshit. my weight takes forever to come off, but it takes a day for me to gain 5 lbs that isnt water weight.
my mom calls me fat, my stepdad calls me fat, and theyve always called me fat. they expect me to weigh 100 lbs at 5' 6 and be this glamorous thin gorgeous girl with everything going for her.
i see people in magazines and on tv and i want it so bad, i want to just be thin so fucking bad but im not there. im never there. its like the never ending story. when the weight finally starts to come off, i snap and it all gets put back on again. one step forward, two steps back.
idk what to do.
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Our families are scary similar. Thanx for your comment:D And don`t be scared, you will make it , you`ll get to your perfect body, because your a strong girl, so believe in yourself and do not think about your family, because you will make your dreams come true,because your different from your family,you`re not dreaming your life,you are living your dream...don`t forget.
ReplyDelete"its like, i hate being fat but shit keeps coming up, and then i get upset and start eating, and then everythings blown for the day. i hate being fat and i want to loose weight but i dont see the point in not eating anymore. it just seems like a pointless game i always end up loosing and have no fun playing, so why play it."
ReplyDeleteDon't give up! I feel the same way. My family forced me to gain weight back around Thanksgiving, and it's been sooo hard to take it back off. Every time I try, I get stressed because of schoolwork or some random shitty event in my life, and then I binge. And I feel like crap, but I can't purge because my gag reflexes suck, and I gain weight and feel disgusting and worthless. But I'm not giving up, because I know that I can get to my perfect body someday if I keep on trying. You can too! Don't let other people get you down. We're all here to support you and each other~
If you give up, you will always feel worthless or crappy. But if you don't give up, you WILL succeed in living your dream, and you will never feel worthless again. <3
You're body can change, and you can resist those urges to binge. Or if not, I recommend going for something spicy because it speeds up your metabolism, forces you to drink a ton of water, and it's burning your tongue - forces you to slow down. and it's delicious.
ReplyDeleteOf course, there's always finding someone like a counselor who can help you seek recovery. Insurance can cover a lot of stuff. Eating disorder awareness week is coming up, so you might be able to find some program or event designed to help your self-image, and someone to talk to.