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Im so ridiculously motivated.

Woke up this morning, weighed myself, and I am 125.0 lbs.

I also worked out yesterday.

I walked out for an hour then did 400 jumping jacks since each jumping jack is supposed to burn 1 calorie.


Working out isn't as unpleasant as I always take it for. I plan on exercising much more often.

My stepdad didn't do a god damn thing yesterday, so nothing I've done has gotten put to use yet.

I failed to post about the fact that after he said all that shit to me I convinced him he has tits bigger than mine.

Everyone in my house now refers to him as "titties" and I have yet to see him wear something other than a jacket.



I couldn't eat yesterday.

Like absolutely could NOT eat.

Suddenly, I had an innate sense that every single calorie to touch my lips WILL in fact result in weight gain, and while I eat, my entire family must be laughing at me.

And I swear its true.

Every time I think about eating, they're in the kitchen. Or at the table. Or walking through the dining room.

So I just put off eating yesterday and ended up eating 22 calories in solid food, then had to drink the rest of my calories.

I hate milk. But it definitely got me to my 400 calorie mark.


Im thinking about lowering my intake.

The only reason I haven't cut it back is because if I change it now i know ill only fuck up my metabolism more.



Once again, im flooded with pride at not eating.
I WILL get there, I WILL be thin, and I will NOT stop.


Were going to go visit my family again soon, and this time i'm going to be thin.

I won't have to scramble to work out the last few days before we leave because i'll already be thin.

I will already have made it.


I am ana's golden child, fulfilling the expectations of the first born and seeking adoration as the second.


What makes starving yourself and losing weight even more glorious than it already is?

The fact that every bite I fail to eat irritates the FUCK out of my stepdad.

I see the look he gets when he offers me food and I decline, I see the way he wrings his hands when i empty out yet another untouched plate and if im no longer going to eat, then I will make sure he damn well knows it.




XOXO Sophia Ruins <3