Yesterday I had 20 calories.
Didnt eat anything this morning, and then sometime during the afternoon I had this huge gigantic binge.
I was so incredibly hungry, I felt like I was on the verge of blacking out.
I had a salad.
Then some bread.
Then I out-of-nowhere sucked down half a cup of ice cream , a banana, and saltine crackers mashed up in a bowl filled with Parmesan cheese.
My appetite was INSANE.
I felt really bad, but I thought about it and now im kind of grateful.
I feel like this binge has put me back on track.
Like because of this failure, I have more of a reason to strive for perfection.
I checked my weight this morning before I binged, and it was 125.
Im surprised its going down with as much as I eat.
[well of course its probably gone up now, but im sure itll go down with some fasting.]
I am going to be so thin.
I can't wait.
I will be able to wear whatever I want, I will be an object of envy, I will be contained, and powerful and controlled.
I. will. be beautiful.
Im anxious for the day I can stop wearing baggy clothes and wear cute draping dresses, and pair them with a fantastic pair of heels. When i'm thin, ill always wear heels.
My poor poor heel collection has suffered ever since I decided I look like buffalo in ballet shoes when I wear heels.
I think im going to fast tomorrow.
I just hope I can go through with it and dont mess it up.
Stay strong loves
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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A buffalo in ballet shoes is exactly how I feel most days.
ReplyDeleteI hate that in order to have a revelation, it often requires a binge. I hate that the binges are what put us back on track.
i know exactly how you feel. i've finally gotten down to 120 lbs. but i when i checked this morning i was 120.5 lbs... and i barely even had 100 calories yesterday, if that! but when i binge, i lose weight? i don't get it. stay strong! you're going to do great. i know you can do it. =]
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