Ugh.
Spent last night depressed and alone again. Definitely not a fun cycle.
I am fucking HUNGRY. Do I get points for fasting today and yesterday?
Ive had this awful headache since yesterday morning that isnt getting any better regardless of the amount of tylenol im taking.
Im trying to find reasons to be happy with things and im trying hard to look on the bright side.
I went for a hike along the river today thinking it would make me feel better, and it did nothing but think about drowning myself. Not literally of course.
Im jealous of people who are on diets. They complain and complain because they're "STARVING". At least they get to eat proper fucking food on a daily basis. Oh no, but 1200 calories just ISNT ENOUGH for them.
Look at me. Now im being a bitch for no reason.
I couldnt sleep last night.
Im 99% sure that the reason im depressed and cant sleep is because im not eating everyday. Lack of nourishment and vitamins causes an imbalance of chemicals blah blah blah.
Also, the guy who I like is being a dick. Look at that.
I dont hang out with him once and he ignores me.
He just runs so fucking hot and cold. I never know when I call him if hes going to be this AMAZING guy, or if hes going to be distant and irritating.
Maybe its bothering me so much because hes exactly like I am.
I dont think im going to bother with him anymore. Im too hungry to care.
Speaking of being hungry, this morning I woke up and i was 123.0 lbs.
Im not even going to get into how ridiculously unfair that is.
I got to sit up all night refusing fantastic food and im rewarded with weight gain.
How lovely.
Im tempted to go back to eating a set amount of calories, and I would except I dont want to eat. Choosing what to eat, making it, watching everyone look at me like im a fat pig, its just too much to handle right now.
If I eat tonight, Ana please forgive me.
Still not doing anything about the "cut-me-cut-me-cut-me!" problem.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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hang in the sophia, there will always be rough patches with this lifestyle.i know you can push past this and hit your goal mark again. maybe try what im doing, where i eat around 200 cals ever other day and then eat around 600 cal-700 cals on the in between day.and just try and stay moving for 2 hours a day, cooking , cleaning or just dancing around. dont fret, you are a strong beautiful girl, we just need to find out what your body needs in order to work properly.
ReplyDeleteif you stumble i will be there to catch you before you hit the ground. :)
stay strong
meg
Looks like your brain's working a bit like mine was just an hour ago... if that.
ReplyDeleteHave you read PrettyWreck's most recent post?
http://dreadfulpretty.blogspot.com/2009/12/321and-anxiety.html?zx=ad7389a38c251058
Totally turned my day around as soon as I read the word "Change."
"So what, now what?"
"Do something about it."
I was about to have a panic attack, read that, and though, duh.
Hope your day turns around, too.
we all have bad days, maybe you should start taking some vitamins so you get those nutrients and don't feel like shit?
ReplyDeletejust try to get some sleep, and I hope thing turn around in the morning,
you can get through this!
x
*Tacklehugs*
ReplyDeleteNot a good idea to give in to the cut-me urge. I'm not going to go into lists of reasons why not, just gonna say I don't want you to hurt yourself like that.
Maybe the headache and bummed-ness are from lack of food? SUCKY!!!!
Have an awesome Christmas, I hope StepFag McBitchtits doesn't cause any strife <3