So im going to stop getting on the scale, because its not really helping me.
Yesterday I fasted during the day and had dinner with my irritating family.
1/4th cup of green beans, 3 potato dices, and a strip of chicken the size of my first finger.
My mom actually started laughing until she realized I was being serious. Then she just sat there in silence for a while.
It really only looked ridiculous because the plates were so big. Its a lot of food, it just doesn't look like it unless its on a smaller plate.
I can't wait to move out. I won't have to worry about binging at all. In my parents house, their pantries are always full of colorful french pastries, cookies, brownies, chips, salsa, pasta, and on top of that they're always ordering chinese or pizza. Both of which I cant say no to.
They stock up on nothing but unhealthy greasy [or sweet] food. We dont really have any vegetables except some old brown lettuce stuffed in the bottom of our fridge and frozen green beans/peas.
I ask them to buy me the right kind of food [I even give them a list every time they go shopping: corn, corn flakes, splenda, skim milk, spinach, lettuce, apples, grapefruit, bouillon cubes, REAL FUCKING FOOD] but time and time again they give me the excuse of "we dont have money to buy you whatever YOU feel like eating. you need to stop being selfish and eat what we cook. you cant live off lettuce."
Im not getting anywhere with these people. "can you guys at least let me cook?"
she shoots pins and needles at me with her eyes: "no. no one eats rabbit food in this house but you."
Shes really starting to piss me off again. "can you people at least make something HEALTHY so I dont go into CARDIAC ARREST trying to EAT that shit?!"
I already know the answer: "what we make IS healthy. stop being so neurotic."
Yeah, because fried fish served dripping in butter and cream sauce is "healthy" and "low calorie". And of course its so easy because my options of sides are stuffing and pasta.
Oh, but its fish so it MUST be "healthy".
Ugh. who eats that shit together anyways?
So I read this article and it said something about when you feel hungry you're not actually losing weight because the second youre hungry to the point of hunger pains, your brain sends a signal to your body to stop metabolizing fats.
Im questioning its validity.
Sounds like the same "OMGSTARVATIONMODE" bullshit to me.
So ive come up with a plan to eat 400 calories a day and get on the scale ONCE a week.
Im extremely impatient though, so well see how long I can keep that up for.
Also, I wanted to let you guys know that I really adore all of you and theres no way in hell ill ever stop blogging.
Fat or thin, eating disordered or recovered, ill be writing to you all telling you about the woes of my annoying family and fucked up friends until im old and gray.
Oh yeah, and after posting yesterday I realized I havent posted that link yet. To be honest I have no idea where its at, but im sure ill find it again. I just wish I had more time to comment your blogs and find out how to get those pictures off photobucket. [and find said pictures again.]
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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my mothers exactly the same, ''oh no we can't eat that because your the only on that eats it!'' so i nicked like £30 from her purse and went and bought my own food. her reaction was so hilarious i wish i had had a camera, you should try it! take care, LOTTIEE <33
ReplyDeleteYeah, I can't wait to get out of my house either. I feel like all of my overeating problems will be gone.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that you're not going anywhere.
I'm insanely jealous of your four-hundred calorie a day plan. I wish I had that kind of willpower.
Haha, I'm the same way about moving out. My mother is always baking sweets. Fat, fat, fat. When I move out, I'll barely even fill the cupboards. :D Then not eating won't be a problem.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you, you're really doing great.
"we dont have money to buy you whatever YOU feel like eating. you need to stop being selfish and eat what we cook. you cant live off lettuce."
ReplyDeleteargh,don#t they realise that HEALTHY REAL FOOD is way less expensive than all that crap they keep on buying? totally understand your wish to move out!=( I am glad that in the past years I have inspired my family to eat way more healthier so that there are always some fruits in the house,hardly any sweets apart from christmas time and dinner is always like" some veggies,come carbohydrates some protein"
But still there is way too often fried stuff like fish etc. Sooooo glad I'm veggie since I turned 15 and on my way to become vegan-it makes eating health yso much easier und the family can not say anything against it!*teehee*
maybe some articles about healthy nutrion might help? the moment my parents had read and article about the oh so evil glutamat which is in all these junk food stuff,crips etc they stopped immediately buying all this stuff! :D
i think they are just being stubborn honestly. why else would anyone believe fried anything is healthy.lol it may have started out healthy but that stopped the moment the fish went into the breading. hey maybe when they make fried fish you could go in there before its breaded and just bake a fillet for yourself. healthy and still considered food. heck you could probably do that if they make fried chicken or if they are cooking ground beef then go in there after its first browned and drain off the fat of a small portion for yourself.
ReplyDeleteim really glad to hear your staying on here. oh and i kinda got curious the other day and typed in photobucket "sophia ruins" into google image and came upon what i assume are the pictures your talking about. i honestly didnt think it would work so dont hate me. i felt really weird seeing peoples faces so i exited out before i could copy down the address. ill go through my history tonight though to see if i can find it for you.
stay strong
meg
That starvation mode shit is such a load of bull. And all my doctors and all my therapists and all my psychologists/psychiatrists LOVE to recite it to me. Whatever. OBVIOUSLY if it was true, then I wouldn't be losing weight, now, then, would I?
ReplyDeleteNo, I would be obese. But things just don't WORK that way. They just tell you that either to scare you to stop eating so damn little (tooooo bad) or to make normal people feel better about not dieting, but just eating "healthy". Whatever.
I'm glad you liked the header! I nearly fell over laughing at it when I found it XD
ReplyDeleteWtf? Your parents make FISH and STUFFING?! o.O What the hell?! The only place I've E-V-E-R seen stuffing is shoved up the ass of a roast chicken!! Pizza and stuffing in any place other than the body cavity of cooked poultry should both be banned FOREVER.
*Hugs* How long is it until you are out and able to eat real food?
If your mind works as eccentrically as mine, try a "Wednesday weigh-in".
ReplyDeleteI now only weigh myself on Wednesdays (unless I am away and I can only find time on an odd day) because if I weigh myself on any other day it sounds stupid in my head to say "Tuesday Weigh-in" or "Saturday weigh-in".
Some to think of it, no one should be this stupid.