Why I do believe i may have had too much cereal yesterday.
It measured a cup, which is 100 calories.
But it seemed like too much.
So im counting that as a binge, just because i could have done better.
My weight is at 126, and doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
I'm angry at myself because i wanted to fast today, but then i wanted cereal too and idk what was going through my head but i just figured i could just eat the fucking cereal and be done with it but then i ate it and now it feels like too much.
GOD I SHOULDVE JUST FASTED.
I think ive been eating so much lately because im stressed out.
My grades are driving me insane, and although i have A's in all my other classes, in math im failing.
I keep trying to do better, and taking longer to study, but my grades are only getting worse.
I really wish i was just fucking bulimic.
Life seems like it would so much simpler if i had the balls to take out what i put in.
Even though according to national bulimia statistics, 70% of bulimics are above their normal weight range, 20% are at a normal weight range and only 10% are underweight.
fuck statistics.
Im cutting myself off of food today.
Today is going to be 3/4ths of a fasting day.
You know what ive noticed?
My stomach gets ridiculously bloated for like a day after i eat.
And i mean if i eat ANYTHING.
My stomach is more flat when i wake up, but the second anything goes in my mouth, BOOM i look preggers.
okay well maybe not preggers, but it does look awful.
i should probably look into that.
the only problem is i cant exactly tell if its all in my head, or if my stomach really is getting bloated every time i eat.
i may sound like im semi-retarded or something here, but im serious.
maybe im just extremely fat and its all in my stomach.
thats like the only place i gain weight anyways.
eh.
stay strong dears, i have to go deal with school work and stop wasting time blogging about how awful my body is.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
p.s. - i plan on testing the cold shower / shivering burns 400 cals theory later this evening so i WILL be back.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
if you want to check and make sure it isnt all in your head then you could try measuring yourself right when you wake up and then again when you feel like your bloated to see if you really are. 100 cal of cereal is actually really good considering that most cereal is around 120 cal for a bowlful not including milk. stay strong and be careful on the cold shower thing, wouldnt want you to get hypothermia.
ReplyDeletemeg
wow its seams everyone is gaining at the mo! bad times :(
ReplyDeletegood luck, i kno u can do it!
x
most bulimics wouldnt be thin because its the binge then purge plus th enormal meals on top being bulimic i can say this is true once your throwing up everything you eat thats when i started loosing weight
ReplyDeletethe bad thing about bulmia and the reason you dont want to do it is then its like oh well why try to restrict that much i can just throw it up no control its not fun honey your so much stronger than that
you are getting bloated. THe worst thing you can do to an anorexic is to make them eat a meal. Because your stomach is ridiculously shrunk! But it doesn't mean you binged. Keep up the good work &good luck with school!!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the first commenter, just measure yourself. Secondly, when you eat a meal after fasting for days eat something light like an piece of fruit or something full of water. Also, I was reading online that this is the succession of food when you fast:
ReplyDeleteWater fast-juice fast-fruits and veggies-lighter foods(cereal, etc)-heavier foods
That's to build back up your metabolism and hold on to weightloss. It should stretch out over the course of a week or two.
Btw, about math, go to cerebellum.com and get the dvds from the standard deviants. The dvds are SUPER helpful. Also go to a Borders Bookstore or Barnes and Noble and camp out for a few hours everyweek reading their math books for free.
Hope this helps and good luck!
Scarlet<3
omg that totally happens to me too- the bloating thing.
ReplyDeletei have a theory about how since anorexics dont eat much, there is nothing to like, push it through their system, so it stays in your body longer. and therefore it builds up until you go to the bathroom
Gosh, I just ADORE you and your blog. The way you write,what you write... WHAM-love it :D (This simply came into my mind while reading your post and I had to tell you my thoughts^^)
ReplyDeleteawwwww i think your gorgeous - and your 126lb your probly a whole person smaller than me ..
ReplyDeleteits completely insane what you have just said-i have just been driving myself mental looking at my legs - to me they are huuuge - i keep thinking ' are they really that chunky or is it in my head ??? '
i check myself out in different mirrors looking for confirmation - i replay the same scene over and over - i look in the mirror and they dont seem so bad - then i look down and they look gigantic - i stretch my fingers around my thighs as if measuring them - like that even counts - then i crumble to the ground in confusion .. are they fat ??? are they not ???
its the same with my shoulders - am i butch ????
ha ! they say mind over matter but when your mind is warped there is not much you can do about it !!!
Xx