Okay, so back on the horse again. [except i feel so demented its more like getting back on the zebra at this point.]

I decided i was fasting today when i looked in the mirror and couldnt stand the sight of my arms.

or my stomach.

or my waist.


you get the idea.



its the strangest thing.

i look in the mirror this morning and panic at how large i am.

what if im the fat girl who is in denial?


whos so past the point of fat that she just looks big. bigger than life. like a misplaced giant.

and who thinks there might still be hope of being thin [but we both know she cant stop eating and shes fucked].




i went back to the mirror a while after that, and said to myself 'its not that bad..'

im not fat to the point of morbid obesity.

ill be alright.

i can lose this quick.






then went to mirror a few seconds ago, and im obese again.




so after binging and drinking last night, i checked my weight before bed.
125.0 lbs.


to be honest, i expected something more like 129.8 lbs.


wonder what ill weigh tomorrow.


I probably wont get on the scale for a few days though, just so i can add a little element of surprised.

Thinspo anyone?











XOXO Sopha Ruins <3