December, Air.

okay so i decided not to post last night, because i was being mega super negative about the amount of candy i consumed.

now that im fasting again, im feeling a lot better.


so, after my last post, i was 124.0 lbs and worked out for an hour, then decided to test that whole "you burn up to 400 calories while shivering" theory.

i figured, if i burned 400 calories, then that amount plus the amount that im already burning by doing daily things, plus the amount i burned exercising, plus the fact that i didnt eat that day, i should see a difference in my weight.

now usually, if ive been fasting for a few days, ill lose a lb a day. my body is very predictable.

so anyways, i went to go sit in the shower with the cold turned all the way up, and the hot turned all the way down.

needless to say, it was BRUTAL.

i gave my self intervals of warm water for 5 minutes every 15 minutes so technically, it wasnt freezing water for a solid hour.
but close enough.

anyways, so the next day, my weight went down from 124.0 to 122.0 instead of the expected 123.0.

2 lbs?


definitely worth it.

i plan on using half my shower time [30 minutes] as 'freeze my ass off' time, and the other half can be just regular warm water.


im probably guna test this again to make sure it works.



but yeah, ive decided that since i keep binging on small things [things under 100 calories], im going let myself binge, and just make sure it stays under 100 calories.

look at it this way,

i cant survive on the 45-75 calories i keep binging on every few days, and im tired of re-starting fasts.

so ill still be losing weight, but still be eating enough to feel guilty and do better on SOLID fasting days.

in a way, its another controlled binge plan, except reduced.



November is going to be the month that i succeed.


in fact, im going to give myself a deadline.

because honestly, im sick of this 'lose weight, gain weight' cycle.


how about, if im not significantly thinner by december 2nd, then im going to stop.

completely stop.



[now that im thinking about it, im not sure ill ever be able to stop. its like this monster, this rabid animal, that has been slowly festering inside of me has consumed so much of me i cant let it go. even if i did give it up, im not sure i would be anything more than a shell. a fat, bloated shell with nothing but regret for my lack of drive.]





XOXO Sophia Ruins <3