oh god.
i did it.
i ate the pizza.
and then this huge awful fucking binge happened and idk how it got that far it just happened like one second i was sure i didnt want to eat the pizza and then before i knew it i was inhaling food and now i dont know what to do and...
how am i supposed to fix this?
what am i going to do?
i wasnt even hungry
i was doing so well and i fucked it all up over a piece of pizza and now im going to be fat forever and ill never get thin
this binge isnt even a justified one
my stomach is HUGE and bloated and hurts and i feel sick because i ate too much
ive probably had 1000 calories by now.
oh god.
this makes me ugly.
im ugly now, arent i?
this has fucking destroyed me.
this has made me worthless.
i am defined by the contents of my stomach.
i didnt even eat good food.
i binged on shitty food and im having a shitty day and i didnt get any school shit done and im a failure and i just want to cry but i never can and FUCK everything.
i dont understand why everything has to be so fucking hard for me.
i havent been having just a shitty day, or just a shitty week, ive been having a shitty past 6 years.
im so horrified that i might end up not accomplishing the things i want to and end up this fat broke ugly awful loser with no house and no car and no dog and i just wanted to be fucking HAPPY but shit never works out the way its supposed to and my parents always have to be such assholes and theyre always buying me candy because they want me to end up a failure so they can laugh and tell me its all my fault but they dont get that im going to end up fat by my own hand and i dont need them to fuck it up anymore than it already is
i cant get a long with people my own age, i cant push myself to do my school work, my family hates me, my friends are too obsessed with themselves to care about me anymore, i push away all my boyfriends because i dont like getting close to people, i cant even destroy myself right, AND I JUST WISH I COULD TAKE A NICE FUCKING PICTURE ONCE IN A WHILE.
I CANT EVEN TAKE HALF DECENT FUCKING PICTURE ANYMORE
why cant i just be thin
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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awww sweetie, its always the worst feeling right after a binge. just fast tomorrow, and you'll feel better right?
ReplyDeletetomorrow is a clean slate for you to make up for today right?
stay strong
xoxo
elle
"i am defined by the comments of my stomach" perfect freaking quote. that is exactly how i have felt lately- thank you for putting it into words. that might be my favorite thinspo quote ever.
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE NOT UGLY, YOU JUST HAVE BINGE GOGGLES ON!!
ReplyDelete"i cant get a long with people my own age, i cant push myself to do my school work, my family hates me, my friends are too obsessed with themselves to care about me anymore, i push away all my boyfriends because i dont like getting close to people, i cant even destroy myself right"
. . . Are you reading my mind? That is exactly what I feel about me 0.0 Psychic Soph!!
Let it all out, have a massive cry (It helps, trust me) pick up the pieces and start again. Sometimes it's all we can do.
*Hugs*
Fasting to make up for a binge is not a good idea. It inevitably leads to another binge. We binge because our bodies are rebelling against the crazy food restrictions we impose on ourselves. I'm stuck in a similar cycle of restricting and binging, and I know it's easier said than done, but you should just try to eat moderately the day after.
ReplyDeleteid say you should just restrict your calories the next day of a binge to around 200-400. and drink lots of green tea and water.i know it feels like its all collapsing around you but dont worry, its not all lost. we are all here for you, i know you can do this, dont punish yourself to much over 1000 cals. that number is still in the range of starvation mode so keep that in mind.hang in there, throw away the bad food before you eat it if you can, take a cold bath. stay strong ,use this binge as motivation to push yourself harder.
ReplyDeleteyour doing great
meg
Fasting will fix the binge, so don't worry so much about that. You are NOT defined by the contents of your stomach as a PERSON. You do get along with people your own age (on here anyway) and you're incredibly smart and can probably achieve anything you want as long as you put your mind to it. Start spending the time you would thinking about what you've eaten, should you eat anymore or at all, just go space out on school work. Hours will slip by as if they'd been stolen, you wouldn't have eaten, and you'll have the school work done. This does work, try it.
ReplyDeleteXOXO,
Scarlet <3
sweetie, you won't gain like 5lbs because of 1000calories.that is only a minor binge.d'you know that your body actually needs 1000 cals in order ot function properly? it is not the end of the world,I binge 10000times worse than you ;) I feel sorry for you feelign so utterly depressed :C BUt you know you will accomplish the things you really want because you are a fucking smart and beautiful girl !*hugs* always remember that maybe things look to hopeless because it is all cold,wet,dark und just eww
ReplyDeleteI wish I could destroy myself right, too.
ReplyDeleteBinges are fucking horrible and I wish they never happened. : ( But you'll get where you want to be! Binges aren't going to make you fat, they're just going to prolong your shrinking, just a little. Don't beat yourself up over it honey. It just makes things worse. Tomorrow is a new day! Don't punish yourself, don't try to make up for the binge. Just start over like you've been doing it right all along. I think that's really the best thing to do. We all care so much about you on here and we want you to be happy! I know how much it sucks to feel fat and alienated and out of control but at least we all feel that way. Feel better honeyyyy. < 3333
I am feeling exactly the same way right now. Fuck. I'm tired of this cycle!!
ReplyDeleteBabe, we understand here. Seriously. It SUCKS to be where you were, after a binge. You feel so fucking ugly. But it will pass. A new day WILL come. And you can be someone new. You need a change of routine or setting to feel fresh, to start with new thoughts and motivation. You're doing fine--you're managing like the rest of us. It happens. It'll pass. Say fuck it and move on.
ReplyDelete"i push away all my boyfriends because i dont like getting close to people..."
I totally hear you on this one.
Hang in there. Really. You have us.
i know how it feels love.
ReplyDeletebeen living in a binge for months now.
i cant be thin.
i have to work at it.
and lately? no work.
no pain no gain.
no pun intended lmao.