aaaahhhhhh im back

ahhhh shit.
okay so im back
and
my life is more hectic than ever.
i ate a brownie today.
i really couldnt eat anything else.. i tried... it just didnt happen. i kept spitting out all my food.
ive been thinking about going on a fast for the last couple days.
its taken more strength than i thought i had to not starve myself.
its pretty fucked up.
every time i look in a mirror i feel like crying.
i weigh 123 and i feel like my thighs are 30 times bigger.
ugh.

this is bullshit.
im going out with nick now.
its pointless leaving names out at this point i guess.
and i miss d. but i hate him. were talking again. jsut as friends i geuss even though all he tells me is how much he loves me. and im talking to m. a new guy i geuss. and i guess. im a little involved with him even though i know i shouldnt be. i cant bring myself to break up with nick and m lives far away so i dont count it as cheating. idk.
m pisses me off.
but hes absolutley perfect.
like everything i want in a guy.
idk why im holding back and why i dont break up with nick for him.
he keeps asking me 2.

honestly, i just feel like running away from everything right now.
i want to go live somewhere far away and starve myself.
im tired of the world.

and im fucking tired of relationships.
i really want to just be single for a while but im too much of a damn flirt to stop talking to guys. then i end up flirting too much and they take me too seriously and by the time they realize that i dont want a relationship they think im a total bitch whos just playing games.

gahhhh.

now im in a fucked up situation i cant get out of and idk what to do.


you know what i want to do?

stop eating.
20 bucks says it would fix everything.
everything was fine before.

fuckin ay.



im done venting.

peace out.
stay strong kids


XOXO Sophia Ruins <3