okay so im ready to get back up again.
im going to dust myself off, and get back on the horse because i love thinness fashion and modeling too much to give it all up just because i cant put the fork down.
tomorrow im going to fast and see how long i can run it for, then im going back to my 65 calories grapefruit a day diet.
im tired of being fat. no more 120 lbs. im going to be 105. i NEED to be 105.
ive been thinking lately... see, i know that at 5'6 im too short to do modeling right now so im really really hoping that i grow soon because it would suck major balls if the only reason i couldnt do modeling again is because im too short =/
being 5'9 would be nice.
being 5'10 would be fucking grand.
god im too short for this arent i?
hmm.
i am right now.
doctor said id probably grow to be 5' 8 or AT LEAST 5' 7.
its still short though...
its completely out of the question to hope for 5'9 isnt it.
fuck.
i know it is.
right?
i need some hope over here.
i hope to god i dont end up 5'7.
or worse: 5'6.
fuck.
im already at 5'6. im not just going to stop growing at 15. im not even that old.
right?
is there a doctor in the building?
you dont even have to be a certified doctor.
been through medical school?
i just need someone to tell me that my dreams arent going down the drain =/
im stressing.
i should stop stressing.
what if stressing inhibits my growth?
what if i dont grow tall because im stressing too much?
fuck. i worry too much =/
on a lighter note, i absolutley adore the T by alexander wang line.
the whole stressed over-worn t thing is just amazing to me.
its great because its so simple and doesnt require much to look good.
i need to go shopping.
btw- did anyone see the pictures of lily allen wearing Issa in london yesterday?
god it was awful. i dont think she looked in a mirror before she left the house looking the way she did. either that or shes trying too hard to be 'unique and creative'. i liked the retro thing she did way better.
ehh.
hopefully i get way thinner soon?
hope your all doing good =]]
might post thinspo later.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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you should definitely still be growing at 15 but remember that restricting as you are will almost definitely stunt your growth, i dont know how you would reconcile wanting to be thinner and taller but one does definitely damage your chances of the other! i know thats not really what you wanted to hear but i'd hate for you to look back later in life and realise that you could have been taller if you were eating 'normally'. hope that helps... Lx
ReplyDeletedaaaaaammmmmmmmnnit.
ReplyDeletehmm
i geuss i was fucked from the start =/
no more restricting?
no more growing?
i geuss i have to sacrafice one or the other...
damn...
decision time =[[
Well---you should probably still be growing, but eating the way you do (the way we do) is probably stunting your growth. Umm, the good news?Kate Moss was a short model....you could be one too?
ReplyDeleteP.S-I'm sixteen and only 5'7 so....boo me...I know how you feel.
damn i know i realized kate moss was only 5'6 too so i think i might just try and sign with storm modeling [Sarah Doukas was the woman who signed kate moss at 5'6 and said that height is not entirely the most important factor as long as the model has a distinguished look and can model well] [and sarah doukas is who owns strom modeling].
ReplyDeletei really dont think that i can sacrifice my career for what i want most right now... what i might do is just try to eat right and work out the right amount and hope to god i just dont GAIN weight. i think im gonna have to loose weight "the healthy way" which kind of makes me want to kill myself =o
i mean... after me having eaten so much so far, the last thing i want to do is eat more... but i geuss ill just try an be... healthier?
ughh. i hate food so much =/