oaky sorry i havent been on for a few days ive just been really busy sleeping. and eating.
and loads of other unimportant things.
so ive been having a major body issue lately and have taken up covering all the mirrors i pass by im my room and not looking in my bathroom mirror when i shower.
yes, i have completely lost it.
my weight has stayed at 120 amazingly, even though it did go up to 123 for lyk half a day.
and ive been trying to eat a "balanced" diet.
which basically means ive been stuffing my face with fruits and vegetables, staying away from anything friend or sugar coated and have been eating 3 times a day.
kind of.
well more like 2 1/2.
its close enough.
i still think my 'meal' portions are a little small but hey who's watching right?
lol
so i totally flipped out yesterday when i found out that my ex [surprise surprise] is dating some chick who i used to make fun of when we ewent out.
and i remember specifically saying that if he ever went out with her id have to jump off a bridge or something hah
but i geuss it doesnt rlly matter, its not like were going out anymore so oh well.
then k yesterday flipped the fuck out because im talking to some guy name n.
hes really awesome and i have this huge crush on him haha best part is: he totally knows. and i have the distinct feeling well be going out sometime soon [he invited me to go with him to the lake this weekend =D]
so yeah.
know what ive noticed? not eating is my answer to everything.
i heard my parents fighting this morning and you know what my first thought was?
just stop eating for a few days and things will work themselves out.
and on tuesday when i didnt get my magazine subscription in the mail, i automatically thought that if i didnt eat so much then it would come sooner.
stuff likie this keeps happening with everything. its like if something doesnt go my way i think that the only way to solve it is to not eat.
and i still do think that.
makes perfect sense to me.
i just wish i could nuture this line of thinking and go back to how i was but i cant. it sucks, i want it so bad....
ive realized that i cant really go back to what i was doing until i turn 18.
which is total bullshit =/
idk, i keep telling myself that one of these days ill wake up and magically be 3 inches taller then i can starve myself all i want.
ehh
oh well.
im having a good day. =]
im going to go dance now.
stay strong kiddies =D
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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I know it's hard girl but I had to do the same thing at 14/5/6 and I grew three inches in those years! Now I've lost all hope of growing taller.. I smoke too many rettes.
ReplyDeleteAlls I can say is enjoy those years. I made a concious effort to enjoy eating crap so when I felt better about restricting ((now)) I would be sated and not wonder what's so great about crap food.
I've nearly lost all craving for peanut butter. For real. And chocolate? I've had the best, I know what it tastes like. Alls I can say is I'm jealous. I wish I could eat like a fiend and maintain 120.... Anyway. sorry for the novel :]
Ugh, I totally know what you mean about feeling like starving will fix everything. It's like some sort of, coping mechanism or something.
ReplyDeleteHey, hope your feeling better.. I know everyone's different, but you'll prob get at least a few more inches, I had a guy friend that grew another inch when he was like 21) and as for the eating thing, I think you have it right, maybe if you just eat healthy there will be no weight gain? It would actually look like you are losing weight in proportion.. I remember when I had growth spurts it would look like I lost weight because I was stretching out. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you mean about not eating being able to solve anything, except in my case its either not eating or a moster binge.
ReplyDeleteI know its hard to try and eat a balanced healthy diet and lose weight, but you can do it, i believe you can.
Stay strong xxx
people always tell me that the reason im not talller like my parents and aunts/uncles, ect, is because i didnt eat enough growing up. they alwys give me shit about it still, so i think its a good idea for you. its not like you need to become obese, but just maintain your weight.
ReplyDeleteits weird because we're on the exact same boat: both trying to gain but hating every second of it. who in their right mind would hate getting to gorge on what they want whenever they felt like it?
us, thats who.
keep your head up high and stay healthy hun. every day is like a struggle because i still feel guilty even though im doing what im supposed to. it sucks. we def have a lot to talk about if you ever want to talk or just vent or something lol. i havent told a single one of my friends im trying to gain weight because im embarrassed.
if you have a facebook, feel free to add me! we dont have to post things on eachothers walls but we can chat or you can message me if youre ever doubting whats right and we can talk through it! believe me, its hard to get in the midset of becoming what the population considers "healthy"
heres my f.b. page :)
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1594200118&ref=profile