Alrighttt Again

okay so my last post was on the 7th (?)
i thinkk
on the 8th i had 70 calories, and didnt bother to weigh myself.
today i plan on having nothing and saving the calories for what i drink at the mall.

so usually i dont count liquid cals at all, but lately ive been thinking.
what if the reason im so fat is because all the calories from all that watered down juice and all that tea has caught up to me? [even though i dont drink my tea with milk or sugar or honey or whatever else people put in their tea, so i know it has no calories].

i dont know what else it could be. theres no biological reason for me to be gaining weight [or at least staying at the same weight] when im eating under 300 calories everyday and havent binged in ages.

ive heard about that whole 'starvation mode' thing where your body stores everything you eat into pure fat.
well, its all bullshit.
i went into detail about this in one of my older posts, but for the sake of ranting i feel like doing it again.
so this whole 'starvation mode' thing is total bullshit because the amount of calories i need to survive, and keep my organs running [with as much involuntary running around as i do] is 2,159.
so i need 2,159 calories to keep everything functioning properly.
well if im eating say 3000 calories everyday, then the excess number of calories is stored as fat, whereas the other gets burned up by im magical internal devices.
if im eating 300, then there is a large margin of calories that i need but im not getting, so the calories i consume everyday CANT get "stored into fat automatically" because its biologically impossible.
they get used up the moment they hit me.

if any of you feel like im wrong, go read my older post about it. it makes more sense and im never wrong =]
or at least thats what i like to think =P

so anyways.

ive just stayed away from the scale these past few days. im not going to bother getting on, and then getting all worked up that i havent lost weight again without reason.






so last night, i went to my friend S's house. he was having some friends and some alcohol [and of course some music] and we all know how those things tend to go.
i got completely plastered because thats what i tend to do nowadays and something odd happened.

i was standing in the bathroom with some girl and she was like "girlll how long do you starve yourself to look like that?" and then she started laughing like she was joking.
so i go "oh i dont starve myself, i just shove toothbrushes down my throat" then took a toothbrush from the sink and pretended to gag myself.

then she gets all serious and goes "hey, me too."

and i was like "oh i was kidding"

and then shes like "oh. well so was i [insert lol here]"

so i was like hmm.
i wonder how many girls i know starve themselves or binge and purge to loose weight.
i mean id die before i told my friends of course, but when i was younger, and they talked about this stuff in school, i always thought "no one i know does that"

and then when I started doing it, [not binging and purging, but simply not eating] i noticed every time someone pushed their food away from them unfinished, or everytime someone would cut up their food a lot like me, or when someone would down a diet coke before they eat and i wonder.

just how many people do i know do the same thing i do, but hide it better?



hmm

so anways,
back to the party.

so there were tons of people that showed up later around 1ish and we ended up moving the party to the basement.
so i was talking with S and he wa slike "lets go dance!" and as plastered as i was i was like "okay =D"
so were dancing, and we get really close, and he shoves his hand in my back pocket.
at first im like 'hey look at that your hand is somewhere it doesnt belong' and then he pulled out my phone.
and goes "youre guna loose it like always so ill hold onto it and ill give it back to you before you leave." and i was like "uhhh okay" and we went on dancing.

so later after that, me and him were sitting on the couch laughing at god knows what [he was getting pretty wrecked too] and he goes "so what happened with B?" and i was like "who cares?" and he was like "me." and i was like "you dont even know him personally tho" and he goes "true. but i know you, and i want to know if you two are really done."
and i thought it was kinda weird so i laughed and said "of course were done." and didnt say anything else.

he says "are you sure aobut that?" and im like "uhh yeah?"

then he goes,

"why dont i text him and ask him?"

and i was like "oh for the love of god. dont text him. in fact, i dont even think i have his number so dont bother."
and he starts going through my phone.
so i freak out, and reach for my phone and he starts opening a new text.
he goes "dear b, im sooo in love with you and i want you back soo bad baby" pretending to read what he was writing so i jump on top of him and grab the battery out of my phone [and succeeded in almost breaking off the back while doing it]

well it was about time for me to leave anyways since things were dying down so i leave with my friend and he goes "hey, no hard feelings." an i was like "did you send it?" and he goes "yeah"

and that was the last of it.

i checked my outbox, and it turns out he did send a text.
just not the one he said he did.

he actually sent out a blank message which im assuming was because i took the battery out in time.

sucks for me though, because B texted me back [the asshole that he is, he couldnt just let it go] and was like "whaaat?"

so i didnt text him back and he was like "are you still alive?" an di didnt bother the second time either.



and just as a side note, i now believe his cunt of a sister said that to me on purpose, true or not.
oh and i so dont think he actually slept with someone judging by the look he had on his face that night.

and you know what?

im pretty sure i dont give a flying fuck anymore.

ive got more interesting boys to worry about and his bitch ass didnt make THE CUT.