Bad Bad Horible Awful Very Bad Day

okay so this is why my day sucks:
my mom completely called off the trip.
our flight is friday, and she just completely called it off.
the reason she said was because she has work when i damn well know that there are a billion people that can do the work for her, because its their JOB to do it for her.

my fuckin grandma is DYING.

shes not guna be alive long enough for us to go see her and shes like a second mom to me.

this is such fucking bullshit.

we spent 1300 bucks on the non refundable tickets.

i know i should be saying 'well its a good thing were not going, because im fat anyways' but i was REALLY looking forward to it.

i mean i know my family hates me and all but i havent seen them in almost 6 years. [has it really been 6 years? i might be wrong.]

and after my dad died, my mom just kinda dumped me with my grandma [who i call mom strangely enough] for about two years.

its been forever and shes really sick.

why cant things just work out this fucking once for me.

every time i get excited about something, it ends up falling through.

it seriously seems like im fucking cursed or something.

im trying to look at the good things that happen to me, but so far i cant find anything.

the bad out weighs the good SIGNIFICANTLY.


and as for my weight being shitty, i pretty much gave up today.

i dont think my parents are fucking with the scale, but im actually starting to think its broken.

im too afraid to weigh someone else because if its not broken, im fat.

if it is broken, my entire world is turned upside down because i know theyll never buy me a new one.



i feel so frustrated and full of self pity i wanna cry right now.

why cant things stop being shitty for me just once?

i just want one fucking thing to work out for me and be okay.


all i know is that ive been dealt a shitty hand girls, and everyone elses cards around me keep changing, while mine stay the same shitty, fucked up ass hand.






did i mention i learned russian today? i pick up languages fairly easy but its probably guna be a while before im fluent.


Я начал удивляться, если моя жизнь стоит жизни. и я понял, что я не знаете никого, кто говорит на русском языке. это для меня уникальным? Я чертовски надеюсь на это.


самоуправления жалости делает для говенный дней. =/




XOXO Sophia Ruins <3