moving. again.

okay so thses past few days ive been a good girl and kept my intake below 100 even though the rules are below 300.
and all that binging i did like A WEEK AGO has caught up with me.
or at least thats what im going to assume since ive been 125 lbs the entire time ive been eating low.
in fact,
my weight has been at 125 since that thing happened with B.


then, yesterday morning, my mom dropped the "were moving again" bomb.
now i have to say.
i NEVER take it seriously when i get told this seeing as i get told were moving on a weeekly basis.

i stopped fully unpacking my stuff years ago when i realized that moving out of nowhere was a weekly basis situation.

so yesterday morning, my mom tells me were leaving my stepdad [again] and to pack all my stuff [again] and whatever i didnt finish packing would stay at the house [like always] and we werent coming back.

50% of the time, we actually move. the other 50% we end up packing our shit, and then my mom decides to find a reason for us to stay.


utter bullshit.

so yesterday, at ihop my mom kept guilt tripping me to order something.
i told her i wasnt guna eat and so she ordered for me.
idr what she got me.

but for some reason, now ordering for food or asking for food, or saying im hungry makes me feel embarrassed. i mean really embarrassed. embarrassed enough to cry.

which is exactly what happened.

my mom ordered two plates for me, and while i was ordering a salad i didnt intend on eating, the waitress goes "oh we got a hungry girl here, huh? haha dont order our whole restaraunt chica." she said it in good nature, and she was trying to get a good tip.

but what do i do when my mom and her stare at me, waiting for me to finish my order?
i start bawling my eyes out. like completely broke down and end up making a big rush-to-the-bathroom-in-a-flurry-of-tears-scene.

i rarely cry.
and i NEVER cry in public.

so that just made my day that much worse.


ive been stressed out as shit since ive been too busy packing to do my schoolwork, B keeps calling me nonstop when im trying to just forget about him, ive been trying to find a house, im a fat cow, blah blah blah blah blah.

theres just way too much going on in my head right now.

so needless to say, yesterday was a binge day.

i had 378 calories.

im counting it as a binge, because i didnt mean to eat at all, and i ate out of stress.
plus, at 125 lbs i cant afford to eat that much and live.


the only good thing thats happened out of all this, is that i bought a recipe book called 200 under 200.

its got 200 recipes for meals and snacks under 200 calories.

its got some amazing stuff in there too.

im so in love with this book.


forgive me if i dont post for a few days.




XOXO Sophia Ruins <3