okay so today me and my mom [who's playing the best friend role atm] decided during our vacation, were both going to go to the gym for two hours everyday since she wont have work and i wont be applying myself to my school stuff.

i over heard her telling my stepdad that she thinks that if she takes me to the gym then ill start eating better and just working out to make up for it instead of starving myself.

[insert evil laugh here] this is great. she thinks im going to give it up, but in all honesty, i cant.
i would if i could, but i cant so i wont.
=]

im actually really excited about it, because the gym they have over there is a really nice one with tons of classes, machines, a pool, etc.
plus im tired of being on the floor, and ive done my workout tapes so many times ive got the words memorized ["ready? and three, two, one, okay! that was great, come one, lets do one more set ladies, i know you can do it! hold it! hold it! congratulations, youve just completed another fat burning circuit! woo!"]

and anyways, its been forever since ive been swimming, and it has to be one of my favorite things to do.


i bought a pedometer today, and im glad i did.
i considered buying the whole basket of them, but i didnt have enough so i just got one.
it counts how many miles youve walked and how many calories youve burned [amazing, huh?] and from walking around shopping all day, [i bought it in the afternoon] it says ive burned 988 calories, then when i got home, i reset it and worked out. it says i burned 402 calories in my 30 minute workout.
so today i burned 1390 calories and i ate half a small grapefruit [32 cals] and a salad [11 cals]
so the total for today is 43 cals eaten.
i weigh 124 lbs.

im not even going to get into how frustrated i am with my weight right now.

so tomorrow, stepfag is taking em to go tanning because he said that tan people look thinner. why do i feel like my whole family is involved in my ED?
i deny it constantly but they wont drop it and its getting annoying.

im just glad my mom dropped the eating charts and weigh-in thingys.

okay so today i went shopping for mini skirts and shirts, and found a few decent ones, and tomorrow i go shopping for summer dresses.

ive never gotten the chance to be girly and wear dresses and what not, because i never used to be into that stuff and didnt really have time for it.

so i told my mom i want some dresses and she was happy to let me know shell take me tomorrow to find some since shes pretending[?] to be my friend now.

dammit ive been so cold all day too.

its actually really annoying.

its like, wtf, i weigh too much to be cold all the time. maybe im anemic?

speaking of health issues, ive been waking up mornings with a sore lower abdomen.
naturally i wouldnt give it another thought, but its been going on consistently for the past month and a half now.
its not painful. its just annoying.

im sure ill get it checked out eventually.
or forget about it.

oh and ive been getting headaches lately too.
and dont get me started on the insomnia.

i think the headaches are FROM the insomnia though.


did i mention my best [female] friend got pissed off at me because im leaving to see my sick grandmother and i wont be here for her birthday.

selfish much?
thats exactly why almost none of my friends are girls.







well, im going to bed since ive gotta get up super early tomorrow.

i tried to catch up with some of your guys' blog's but ive been really scatter brained lately, so if i missed you then drop me a line.




XOXOX Sophia Ruins <3