Wrath and Rage

oh.
my.
FUCKING.
GOD.

okay so yeah its like the middle of the day and im supposed to be doing schoolwork, but i have to get this out because im my world its MEGA important.

and im so pissed off i think my brains going to explode.

fuck fuck fuck.

B fucked some girl.

the night i broke up with him.

he fucked some stupid fucking slut and his sister told me about it.



well heres how it went.

she called me to see how i was doing and to see if i was busy this weekend. i havent talked to her since me and B started going out.

she was like "we should hang out. wanna go to the movies or something? id invite you over to the house but im sure it would awkward between you and B what with the whole liking eachother thing".

i said "oh i dont like him. were over and done with so its best to leave it in the past, yah know? we could always go chill at F's house."

she said "wait, you guys went out?"

he tells his sister everything. i mean EVERYTHING. they are closer than siamese twins.

so i go "yeah we went out, we went out for a few weeks. he tried to give me a ring and everything. wonder why he didnt tell you?"

she says "i thought he was going out with some other girl. i geuss they were just good friends or something... when did you guys break up?"

i say "ehh the second? the third? im not too sure."

then she gets quiet. doesnt say anything.

then she goes "are you sure it was the second or was it the third?"

i say "well im pretty sure it was the second. why?"

she says "you promise you wont get mad if i tell you some thing? my brother is the biggest asshole and i dont think it would be fair if you went on not knowing..."

i say "oh, trust me i know. but go on."


her: "well, i thought you guys werent involved like that and on the 2nd it was just me and him in the house and he invited over that girl. well i thought they had been going out cuz i see her over a lot and she stayed the night and.. well.. youre going to hate him if you dont already, but he slept with that girl that night. the only reason it stands out in my mind is because they were so damn loud i left to spend the night at C's. please dont get mad, and please dont say anything to him. im really not trying to ruin your guys's friendship or watever you guys have but i think its unfair you didnt know."


me "HE FUCKED HER?! LIKE, HAD SEX?! THE NIGHT I BROKE UP WITH HIM?! ARE YOU SURE?!"

her: "well yeah, it was kinda obvious from the noise... but look, im sure he only did that because he was upset or was having pity sex. i mean he seemed upset that night so im sure he cared..."


me: "are you fucking joking. thats fucked up. youre not just saying all this for his sake are you? i mean if he fucking cared i dont think hed be so quick to bury his problems inside some girl. hes such a fucking cunt i swear."

her: "well i think he cared.. hes just... a sexaholic i geuss. im sure she didnt mean anything to him. he was thinking about calling you a few nights ago. did he? the only reason im telling you this is cuz i thought you guys didnt go out. i wouldve told you sooner if i had known you two went out at one point."


me: "no. he didnt call. and tell him to never think about calling me again. in fact, could you do me a favor? TELL HIM I DIED IN A FUCKING CAR CRASH. tell him there was a horrible accident and i died a slow painful death. oh and go ahead and let him know i know he fucked some gutter-cunt cum guzzling little slut and that the last thing i said before I died was that i hope HE dies."

her : "i think youre blowing this way outta proportion. i know hes horrible, but you wouldnt actually wish death on someone out of anger would you? come on girl, i know you better than that."

me: "NO. fuck that shit. tell him i hope he dies. and tell him im already dead. oh and take a picture of him when you do it so i can see the look on his face."


her: "im not going to do that. youre being irrational. look, lets just forget about this whole thing and let it blow over okay?"

me: "no. no fucking way im letting this go. this is just more bullshit to add to the bullshit storm thats brewing."

her: "you cuss a lot."

me: "yeah. i do. are you guna tell him?"

her: "tell him what, that you cuss alot?"

me: "im dead."

her: "ill think about it.

me: "okay. well. im going to go see who i can fuck around with so hell find out about it. toodles."

her: loud sigh. click.




fuck my fucking life man.


the second i think hes out of my head, and the memory is starting to fade, and im starting to stop hating him, this shit comes up. its like no matter what i do, he wont GO AWAY.

god i wish hed just dissappear off the face of the planet and never show back up again.

ive got so much fucking work and i cant finish it because i cant focus now.
i swear ive still got 18 assignments due today.

i wish she wouldnt have told me.

she probably thought i wouldnt care too.


i hope that slut gives him herpes.



im so pissed off right now, im shaking.

i wish there was something i could do to get back at him again, but i know that its futile and i might as well just let it go.

i dont want to let it go.

i want to keep the war going. to keep adding fuel to the fire. ive had 90 calories today, when i only meant to have 50. AND ITS ALL HIS FAULT!

and its his fault that im behind on school work.
and its his fault that my life sucks ass.

everything is his fault.

is his fault for being an asshole and its my fault hes an asshole because im not thin enough.

it all traces back to my food.

when the fuck am i going to learn that my life wont get better until i learn to stop being a cow.

speaking of cows, i weigh 123.

i still dont understand why my weight is so high.

i dont get it.

i havent binged.

ive been following the rules and i still weigh too much.


when i looked in the mirror, i look liked ive gained 20 lbs. seriously. i think my stomach and my hips have gained a lot. theyre bigger. a lot bigger than they were at 120. is it possible to gain fat without the scale moving up? if so i mustve gained like 7 lbs on each hip and a good 5 lbs on each thigh.
and probably 10 lbs on my stomach.

i look like ive gained 29 lbs but the scale says its been 3 lbs.

the scale must be fucking lying. lying like B does.

im not over-exaggerating either.

i really do think i look like im obese now.

thanks B, youve turned me into an obese fucking whale because youre an asshole.

or maybe he turned into an asshole because im an obese fucking whale.


shit.


thats the answer.

ive fucked it all up again because i weigh too much.




damn it.
damn it all to hell.



look on the bright side, at least i still love you all.
and i adore each and every one of you for commenting my things.

and i swear ill get around to commenting you all back as soon as i catch up on school work.


im going to go work out and try to get some work done.







XOXO Sophia Ruins <3