This is ridiculous.

i weigh 123 lbs and ive fasted for 3 days. 4 days if you count the fact that i didnt eat until after midnight yesterday.
my weight was at 120 for a day, then managed to go up to 122 the rest of the time i was fasting. the fact that i lost 2 lbs in 4 days with no food, and then i gained 3 lbs brings me such pure annoyance i could scream right now.
how the fuck am i supposed to LIVE if i can pretty much only MAINTAIN with no food.
last night at about 1:30 a.m. i got on the scale, go pissed off, and had a piece of pizza.
i worked out for 2 solid hours every day of the fast, and ive been taking metabolism boosting pills PLUS slimquick.
i dont get it. wtf am i doing wrong. how fucked up can my body be that i eat nothing, drink nothing but water, take diet pills, work out, and i barely lose weight.
i worked out for 3 hours after eating last night, woke up this morning, and i weigh 123.
my mom surprised me with the fact that were going to go see my family i havent seen in 4 years this friday.
were going to be there for 2 months.
shes already bought the plane tickets.
were leaving this friday.

and just let me stress the fact that everyone in my family is stunning and thin.
like you wouldnt fucking believe.
the last time they saw me, i was in a severe awkward stage so there is a certain amount of pressure to be thin and gorgeous like the rest of them once they see me.

especially since im 16 and to them being 16 is like being a ripe peach.

if it aint sweet, then THROW IT THE FUCK OUT.





i have 5 days to lose 20 lbs.
20 bucks says im not even going to remain at the weight im at.
ill probably gain 5 lbs.

i dont even get fucking hungry anymore.
i havent been hungry the entire time ive been fasting. wtf is that?
i dont even get the perks of fasting.
no light feeling, no dizziness, no hunger pains, no weight loss.
thats the best part of fasting and i dont get any of it.

so now ive resorted to the half a grapefruit a day thing. im hoping that itll get my metabolism running or do SOMETHING for me.

you know what?
if i could get down to 110, id be happy.
id prefer being 100 lbs. but thats not going to happen.

ill cooperate.
just give me 10 lbs.
please.
im fucking begging.
just 10 lbs off before i go.
i know 20 off is too high for 5 days.
but can 10 happen?
please tell me it can happen.
can i lose 2lbs a day solidly for the next week?



im so stressed out, i could jump off a ledge.
i still have to pack up my entire room, then pack for two months, finish 2 weeks worth of school work, find out how im supposed to keep all the appointments i cant reschedule, oh, and on top of ALL THAT,

i just found out B will be spending a few months in the exact same place as me. best part, hes leaving the day after me.

isnt that JUST FUCKING CRAZY?

hes going to be staying at a hotel two blocks from where ill be staying. hes already got reservations, and the funniest thing is, he told me he was going right as i was about to text him to tell him I was going and for him to not bother texting me since my phone wont work over there. [it will, but i just want to get away from him.]

oh yeah, did i mention, where im going is on the opposite side of the country?

whats the chance hes leaving to the same destination, 1,000 miles away from where i am currently, on almost the same day, and is staying for about the same amount of time.

that just makes it all weirder.

its like its a sign from god.

its like i cant escape the bad memories that are taped to his back.







so.
my stepfag is making vegetable lasagna right now.

and its my favorite food.
more so than pizza.
especially since they almost never make it.


so im pretty much fucked.

and im probably going to go have some, then fall down the hole of despair and regret, throw a fit, gain 5 lbs, and cry myself to sleep tonight.



this is getting ridiculous.




XOXO Sophia Ruins <3


P.S-

i just found this thing: http://hubpages.com/hub/Lose-Up-To-10-Pounds-In-3-Days-On-The-3-Day-Diet


pure logic tells me it wont work as ill be consuming over 900 times what im consuming now, and that if anything, ill probably put on 15 lbs in 3 days with all that fucking food [are they making it a point to make you eat a lot or is it just me thinking that?] but at this point ill try anything.

so i need opinions. ill make the decision tomorrow in the morning, so LET ME KNOW what you think.

im thinking, if my metabolism is way fucked and thats the problem, maybe going on this thing will fix it or something.

idk.

i need answers.