lost 5 lbs. currently at 119 lbs

this morning i weighed 119 lbs.
you dont understand how incredibly happy i was.
okay well, maybe you do.
but god it felt amazing.
its been steady at 120 almost all day. its been switching between 120 and 119.
i decided to just have 65 cals worth of green beans and mixed vegetables and decided that i MIGHT hav my high day tomorrow.
i say might, because i deff dont want to gain anything back, and i think that 200 cals is a lot for me right now.
then again it is a friday...
ugh. idk.
it just seems miraculous that my weight didnt even get stuck at 120 like it used to.
i think ive gotten so much better than before because before i used to snack on low calories shit a lot and im sure it added up, plus i used to binge like a bear before winter and i havent binged for a few days, and i honestly dont feel
anything coming on, so i think im in the clear.
okay so ive lost about 10 lbs in a week and a half.
if i remember correctly, my highest weight was at about 128-130 lbs and now im at 120 [i dont want to jump the gun and think 119 and get disappointed when i see the scale at 122 or 120 tomorrow.]
hopefully itll last.
god i feel so liberated. liberated from my own body.


i took a nap, which always makes me feel groggy and food is usually the last thing on my mind when i wake up.

i got into a fight with my friend M last night.
the boy M.
he was talking about the way i eat and he randomly goes 'god i wish you would just eat a fucking burger.' and it was really annoying.
i fucking HATE when people say that.
so i ranted to my best friend girl M and she was like 'seriously tho, why dont you just eat a burger.'
and i couldn't believe how ignorant she is.
shes one of the few people that know about me ED and i thought of all people shed deff understand, but no.
not even fucking close.
she was like 'you dont een know what your doing to yourself, your gunna dieeee your guna live a shorter liiffffee, your guna have health problemmmssss' in her whiny ass voice and im like 'wtf you cant sit here and judge me saying that im basically an idiot because i dont eat when you dont even live the life yourself.'
i had to explain to her that it can be absolute hell sometimes, but id rather die thin than live fat.
god shes such a cunt.
so i told her i didnt really want to talk to her anymore because she was pissing me off.
i dont even think i want to be friends with her anymore.
weve been friends forever, but it just doesnt seem worth it to waste my time with ignorant people who dont know what the fuck theyre talking about.



ugh.

so im going to go work out and stuff.
peace ppls.