purge < fast

'dont do it.'
i told myself.
i kept passing by the almond chocolates that my mom had sitting on the counter.
she told me i could have the rest.
they kept popping up in my head even when i remembered my binge yesterday.
and the day before that.

but i did it anyways.
ate the bag of chocolates.
threw up.
and everything was right again in the world of Sophia Ruins.
i was supposed to be fasting today.
does it still count?
probably not.
at least i dont think so.
the whole goal is to not eat on a fast.
but i did.
so i start over tomorrow.
if i tell myself today didnt matter though, im likely to eat today.
whats you opinion? did it count or not count?
ehh. i want a super fucking long fast.
im so incredibly motivated right now.
it could be so easy.
dont eat for 7 days.
that sounds about right.
its a monday.
perfect time to start i can eat next monday.
because im not counting today.
today was a prep day.
god i cant wait.
the max amount i can loose is 35 lbs.
35 FUCKING POUNDS!!!!
my life can all be fixed in a week.
all i need to loose is 15 lbs to get to my goal weight.
the minimum amount i can loose is 7-14 lbs.
all i want is to get down to 115.
god 115.
115 is like... the beginning.
at 114 i can actually be called thin.
not REAL thin, not ANA thin, not glamour thin, but barely underweight thin.
because 114 is underweight for my height.
god, 115 pounds is so close.
all i need to do is fast, and i think i could hit that mark.

okay.

im going for it.

the longest ive ever fasted was for 4 days, but im going for the week thing.
if i feel like im guna binge, then im deff cutting out, cuz my binges tend to be HUGE when im on fasts.

btw- you HAVE to read this.
it was amazing.<3

http://minevalentine.blogspot.com/2009/03/anas-kiss.html?showComment=1237243440000#c3371721663751973977



okay, im so ready for this.