278 calories

oaky.
so today i started off with 40 calories, and i was half asleep in bed when my paretns come barging in my room telling me to get dressed because "were going out for pizza".
so im already getting jittery and i tell them i have a headache.
they tell me too bad and make me go with them.

so im sitting in the restaraunt feeling the binge crave come on so i start txting my ex. aka one of my best friends.
and i ask him how many calories are in a pice of pizza with cheese on it.
he said probably around 300.
so im already feeling discouraged and i look around on some sites on the internet i have on my fone to do something other than stare at the food.
my mom offers me some.
i turn it down.
on one site, i see that it says that a piece of pizza with just cheese thats 1/8 of a 12" diameter is 238.
i begin to wonder if 238 is really a lot or if im just crazy.
i start telling myself all my effort wasted is NOT worth a stupid piece of pizza.
but god how i wanted it.
so i checked fitday.com [like my online bible] and it says 238 aswell.
so i ask the waitress if she knows off hand how many calories are in a small piece of pizza.
she said that all the pieces were cut equally and it was made with low fat cheese so one slice equaled to 220 calories.
i start thinking.
hmm.
could i gain weight from 220 calories?
if ive already eaten 40 calories that means ive eaten 260 calories today?
should i go by what she says and hope she right, or should i go by fitday?
so i txt my ex and ask him if he thinks 220 calories at one sitting counts as a binge.
he reminded me that when i used to eat around 400 calories a day and it didnt count as binging then.
so i asked him if he thought that i would gain weight from it.
i told him i weigh a normal amount for my height,
and he said that because im not underweight that theres no chance id gain from it.
i asked if he was sure.
i used to eat around 400 calories a day, and managed to loose weight.
so i thought about it.
decided it didnt count as a binge.
and ate it.
so,
ive decided that im going by fitday's listing for cheese pizza and going to assume that the pizza was 238 calories.

total for today:
278.

i hope to god i dont gain any weight.
it feels so weird that i could eat pizza and still be within by safe calorie zone.
ive decided that if i eat anything under 300 calories, im safe.
i prefer to stick to the two digit food rations though.
65 and 45 are still my favorite numbers.
and i will still be eating my 45/65 diet.
BUT.
if i "binge", then it doesnt count if its udner 300 calories.

i swear ill make up for it tomorrow though in exercise just in case.

it doesnt count as a binge right?
all of a sudden 300 calories seems like a lot.
278 feels like a lot...
im starting to wonder if i made a mistake.
i didnt listen to ana when she told me to leave it alone...
how could i not listen?
does this count as a fuck up?
i dont think it does...
but what if im wrong...
278 is too big of a number...
i already weigh 125...
well 124 to be exact.
i dont think ill loose any weight tomorrow.
its too much to ask for if i suck down a piece of pizza and hope to loose weight.


okay.
im going to go finish working and shit for my mother.
yes, at 11:07 at night.

ive still got 3 more hours to go.