back on my feet

okay so im definitely ready to get back on the horse again.
after my last post, i ended up purging [i know i shouldnt have but i dont feel guilty in the least bit]
and then spent the night at my best friend b's house.
[he made a comment:
"god i love how your hip bones do that"
"do what?"
"they stick out. its really hot."
"why thank you doll"]
so i came home yesterday morning and was all mad still about my binge and my mom asked if i wanted to go to macys with her to get some new clothes and some dresses [i LOVE wearing dresses. i was a total tomboy when i was younger so not that im older i take advantage of dress wearing antics]

anyways,

so i get home yesterday morning and after staring at the scale for what feels like hours, i get on.
anddddd,
i weigh 119.
after that HUGE ASS BINGE, i weigh 119.
i was so happy i could cry but instead danced around my house like a maniac and told my mom i couldnt wait to go to macys. the day was going pretty well.

then my step-fag gets the grand idea that we should go to johnny rockets, the burger place to eat.
well hes being profoundly lame and is like "you guys arent going to macys because i dont think shopping is fun and im not going to sit at home because its boring."
umm grow the fuck up?
i have like no clothes and he always has to fuck it up.
so i tell him i have no clothes and he says i have plenty.
then he says were going to the movies afterward.
so we go to the burger place and he orders FOR me [i hate when people do that] and he decides that i want a gigantic bowl of chili fries and some onion rings and a burger.
oh yeah, and an oreo milkshake.

so i explain to him that i feel sick and that b's mom had the flu so i might have caught something from her and he calls bullshit.
my mom says i should 'just eat the damn food and stop being wasteful.'
and my stepdad tells me that if i dont eat it he wont let me go to the movies with them.
i tell him im just fine with that and that if he thinks that missing a movie will make me shrivel and die then he must not know me very well.
so he threatens to take my phone.
i tell him that isnt fair that im not 5 and he cant force me to eat just because he over-ordered.
then my mom goes "oh she just doesnt want to eat becuase of the boy in here that keeps looking at her"
i turn red, just because i blush at everything and i explain that i didnt even realize he was looking. the sad thing is, she really thought that was why i wasnt hungry.
in reality, he was pretty cute and he was our waiter so i couldnt exactly avoid him coming over to the table.
but -get this- when he comes back,
my mom decides to be a bitch and goes "my daughter wont eat because she thinks you keep staring at her, so could you just tell her youre not interested?"
and i just about DIE of embarrassment.
he was really close to laughing and turned bright red.
it was pretty funny, ill give you that, but god i wanted to kill my mom.
so i apologize for her being deaf dumb and blind and he just walks away.
thanks, mom.

so i eat the fucking food just to shut them up and long ass story short,
this morning i weighed 122 lbs and im blaming them.


so i think im going to fast today and tomorrow then return to my 65-85 calories a day.

god and to think of how close i came to being able to start over from 119 instead of 122.


oh yeah, and thanks for all of the support from you guys, it really means a lot.
hope youre all doing amazingly.
stay strong,
stay thin,
stay beautiful.


XOXO Sophia Ruins <3