okay so yesterday, i had 80 calories, and today so far im fasting.
i cant remember my reason for breaking my fast yesterday, or my reason for fasting today.
i weigh 121.4 lbs and im having a good day.
my ex came over, and he was REALLY fucking annoying though.
like he kept hugging me and holding my hand, and stuff like that just pisses me off.
i mean of course i like stuff like that, but not when its 24/7 to the max and not when its with my ex. i politely told him to fuck off with the touchy feely shit, but apparently he didnt understand.
he wouldnt let me go anywhere or do anything without following me and breathing down my neck.
it seems like i keep attracting guys that are clingy and insecure and NEEDY.
god how i hate needy.
when guys that are needy are around me, i almost feel like i might die of asphyxiation.
then i get pissy, and act all annoyed and then the guys wonder why im acting uptight.
hmm, maybe its because you wont get your fucking grubby little hands off me.
i like attention, i like adoration, and i do like to be touched. so dont get me wrong about all that. its fun.
but christ, sometimes it feels like im drowning in a sea of hands.
then when you explain it to them, they just dont get it.
"what ME? you me to stop TOUCHING you? but WHY? why in the world wold you want me to remove MY hands from YOUR body? is that even possible? im not sure i know how to do that sorry."
im pretty sure ill never be able to live with someone unless its in a gigantic house, and hes a very independent kind of guy.
so that i can a) get away, and b) be left alone once in a while.
ive always been this way.
i like to be surrounded by people, but sometimes i need to just be left alone.
i.
am.
contradictory.
okay so in the movie fight club [one of my favs everr] theres this guy who in the book is called angel face. well then the main character beats the shit out of angel face and disfigured him. it was pretty brutal. but when he says that line "i just wanted to destroy something beautiful", i thought i would die.
it clicked with me but i dont know how yet.
no this doesnt mean im going to go murder pretty people.
oo and watch the movie sometime if you havent already.
hoping for a low weight tomorrow.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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I love that movie also...it was so clever ( i háven''t read the book, so i had no idea wat was gonna happen)...I totally know what you mean bout clingy guys, i felt that way with just about everyone cept my ex haydn and JT, i think its coz they're both very independent and dont feel the need to follow me everywhere or touch me...but then i start wanting them to...they can never win lol.
ReplyDeleteStay strong sweets, good luck fasting!
<3
I love the book-- haven't seen the movie yet :)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean... one of my friends and I have an ex in common, and he is incredibly clingy... towards both of us.
Aren't some of the most successful marriages between thriving, independently successful people who hardly ever see each other? Paul Newman was happy,right?
I love that movie, its my favorite. I didnt know that guy was called angel face though. :). Its good oyu only ate 80 calories yesterday and good luck with your fast today. xx AnaNonymous
ReplyDeletehey im exactly the same with guys, except this time my bf is the exact opposite and i have kind of discovered me being the needy one. my worst nightmare. its even worse than him being needy. anyway i try to keep it under wraps! im more attracted to this guy cos he isnt all over me and he is indendant, its awesome really!! he is fucked up in other ways though...
ReplyDeleteloved how u said politly told him to fuck off!! haha
*Click*
ReplyDeleteGet a small, angry protective dog/cat to chuck at them. Works wonders!
I love Fight Club...
ReplyDeleteand I hate needy guys, so I know how you feel.
Hang in there!
Fight club is amazing, brad pitt is beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteGod there is no need for clingy men, I was with this gyy called darren for a couple of months when i was 16 so i had just left school and wanted to be out 24/7 and he drove me mad .. i ended up telling him i had a boyfriend who was in the army and he was coming home in a week so i couldnt see him any more, he whined like a bitch and was like what was this then, so i politley told him it was a bit of fun and to get out of my face...havent seen him since and im 19 now, so its works mayb you should try that - its puts the little bitches in there places x