so i hit the inevitable binge.
i shoudlve known, with as long as ive been doing this shit that the binges are inescapable.
at least mine are.
i made the mistake. the same mistake i keep on making that gets me nowhere. the mistake of actually stopping to look at the world around me.
stopping to look at the facts, and so realizing that nothing im doing makes sense. that its not fair because i know ill never be as thin as i want to be.
you shouldnt try it. if you want to lose the weight, then you leave your problems, you dont think about the facts, and you just go.
just stumble blindly through the days of no food, hoping that when you open them again, youll be the weight you want to be.
my weight stayed at 118 lbs this morning, and then i just randomly decided that this is a battle i have no strength left to win.
so i had a 395 calorie binge and now i dont know what to do.
my head isnt on straight.
the chemicals in my brain are fucked up from the lack of balanced nutrition.
i cant sleep, i cant eat, i sleep too much, i eat too much.
im always going from one end of extremes to the other, constantly trying to compensate for my food failures.
i keep feverishly driving around in circles.
is the cycle guna end?
nope.
im fasting tomorrow so that i can make up for today.
6 days of fasting, and i couldnt hold out for one more day...
it was only one more day...
"My Beloved Monster is tough.
If she wants she will destroy you.
But if you lay her down for a kiss,
Her little heart it could explode.
She will always be the only thing.
That comes between me and the awful sting.
That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean"
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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Oh honey, at least it will give your metabolism a bit of a boost. You'll do better tomorrow, and six days was a really good job.
ReplyDeletei agree 6 days was a really really good job and at least you got to 118 you can get there again and even lower <33
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up! You're so much stronger than I am, I'm proud of you.
ReplyDelete6 days = amazing.
ReplyDeleteEels = amazing.
If anything that binge will help you not hurt you. please remember that if you don't eat 3500 calories you won't gain a single pound. It is all in the science. 6 days is omg unbelievable I could never do that!! Please stay strong
ReplyDeleteMistakes are the portals to discovery. -- James Joyce
ReplyDeleteI love the quote above.
ReplyDeleteand I wouldn't worry,
it could have been much worse,
and a six day fast, that is incredible.
I struggle with three.
I'm following your blog.
Six days is amazing and you met your goal weight...You are wayyy stronger than most and 395cals won't hurt you, it's not that much and you can jump right back on the wagon.
ReplyDeleteoh thats not even that bad! calm down! breathe! youre fine! youre thin! youre hot! youre young! BE HAPPY!! :D
ReplyDeleteI too live my life at the extremes and never balanced.
ReplyDeleteAnd I too have had those moments like "what's the point" which is one of the reasons why I stopped blogging for quite a while there in April/March or whenever...
Just keep your chin up though, dear.
You're a strong, capable girl, and one binge didn't change that.
6 days?! Amazing.
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong for doing that!
The binge may give your metabolism a kick up the ass to work harder, who knows?
Good luck!
from my point of view ur doin really well, and 365 cals inst that much.we are perfectionists though, so nothing i say will help, i dont think
ReplyDelete5 days of fasting is amazing!
ReplyDelete