Better Mood Better Day

alright.

so i got some MUCH needed sleep yesterday.
about an hour after i finished that post, i woke up, and felt a lot better, and unfortunately for my eating i was thinking clearer.
i woke up hungry, which that means i decided i hated restricting so wtf was i doing, and then ate a bunch of sandwiches.

i absolutely refuse to get on the scale, because i know ill only upset myself.
butttt,
im going on a fast.

but this time, im not aloud to look at the scale until the fifth day. [which should be saturday?]
and i wont know my starting weight number so i geuss i wont really know how much weight ill lose.

now im trying to decide whether to start the fasting today, or tomorrow.

i kind of just want to get it over and done with today since i feel like im gaining weight really fast.

but i also kind of want to try all the good foods at my house so that way im not wondering about them throughout the fast.


hmmm, idk.

i think i might just stick with starting the fast today.


yeah so i watched the 'truth about size zero' documentary.

it was great thinspo, because the woman went from being bigger than me, [a size 16] to a size zero in a month. if im a size 6, then how the hell am i having trouble getting down to a size 4 after almost a year?
AND she didnt fast her way through it. she ate around 800 calories a day. which is more than i eat when im restricting.

so i have this plan i thought up. i figured, hey, i can lose a bunch of weight in a month if i fast for these five days, and then eat the smallest poached egg i can find paired with a really thin piece of toast for breakfast, and then a grapefruit throughout the day. that would equal to eating 170 calories everyday for a month.
id need to workout for an hour though.

and i hate exercise.



ugh. idk.

im not sure if i want to actually commit myself to the plan, because if i fuck up and binge, then ill just get pissed off and feel horrible about myself. worse so than if i just didnt care about it all that much.



hmm.



okay i think im going for the plan. i mean i cant really just keep letting myself get fatter.
i have to achieve sometime, right?
and i think i might start the fast tomorrow.

yay! okay so down to 110 lbs in a month. im so doing this. and right after its done, i can eat whatever i want.


the only problem now, is that i want to get on the scale and see how bad the damage is so i know where im at before the fast.
oh god i probably weigh 127 lbs.
or 128.
i wouldnt even be surprised if i weighed 130.
i should probably just stay off.
if i weigh a massive amount, then ill just eat today because i feel bad.
[i think i might put off the fast today because todays my moms birthday and if i dont eat at this im pretty sure shell murder me.]

okay im guna go check.



holy fuck muffins.

i weigh 124.0 =O

after eating all those sandwiches, and failing to starve myself right, i still weigh 124.0? ITS A SIGN FROM GOD. haha jkjk. lets not bring god into this one.


im so fasting today.

or maybe i shouldnt since i know my parents are going to force feed me later anyways and i dont need to raise any more suspicion.




you know what? im just going to play it by ear today.





XOXO Sophia Ruins <3