okay so today i weigh 123.
wtf?
this is seriously lame.
i ate 280 calories yesterday, and today im up another pound.
im pretty sure 280 calories isnt even enough for my organs to function properly, let alone make me gain weight.
its such bullshit.
and yesterday, i thought about about my binging habits, and it just seemed like it wouldnt be fun.
its not that i wont let myself binge, its more or less that i dont want to.
so i geuss thats good.
maybe if i stay on track long enough ill manage to lose weight. EVENTUALLY.
oh yeah, and last night i had a nightmare that i was binging on a buffet table.
it was an oblong table with tons and tons of food.
but i wasnt happy.
i was miserable and i felt like i was completely out of control.
then afterwards i got this horrible feeling of dread like 'what have i done' and when i woke up, i couldnt tell if i had really eaten or not.
its a strange world we live in.
ooh speaking of strange, ive noticed lately that something bad has happened to someone i know everyday of the week since friday.
on saturday: my best friends stepdad gets out of jail and pulls a knife on his mom when shes walking out to her car
on sunday: my half sisters dog of 7 years gets hit by a furniture moving truck
on monday: F gets into a horrible car accident, completely wrecks his car hes just bought.
on tuesday: my exs brother finds out hes getting sent back to iraq in a few weeks
wednesday: my little sister was walking up the steps to our house, and she tripped and broke her leg not more than two hours ago. [shes currently at the hospital. it looked baaaad.]
so now im afraid.
its not like the REAL afraid its like the cheap superstitious afraid.
the fun afraid.
im trying to not expect anything bad to happen to me because ive noticed that when im expecting something bad, it happens.
or maybe its the other way around.
maybe something bad is going to happen and i notice before it happens.
0o0o0o0o0o yeah im being lame.
this is how i get when i get bored.
im going to go do schoolwork.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
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i hate those kinds of dreams so much i often dreamed ive woke up gone downstairs and had a huge breakfast binge then went back to bed when i wake up it feels so real till i check all the food is there
ReplyDeletehope your little sis is okay broken leg doesnt sound good at all
xx
dont stress about bad things, honestly the more u do the worse shit will seam beacuse subconcusionly u will b picking up on any slight thing tht u wouldnt notice normally :)
ReplyDelete& dont stress about the lbs, you can get them down again, stay strong!!
x
I'm blaming water weight!! STupid bloody water weight makes me gain and lose the same extra 2lbs each bloody month!!
ReplyDeleteOooh, I hope nothing bad happens to you!! Watch out for those stairs, they're out for blood o.O
I always have binge-dreams about food that I don't even have in my house, but then I wake up and I STILL think I've eaten! Binge dreams are the worst.
ReplyDeleteAnd wow, what a crazy week! I hope nothing bad happens to anyone else. : (
Binge dreams are hideous. I'm convinced they make you put on weight somehow. Mine always seem to anyway.
ReplyDeleteYour week sounds horrible! Hope your little sister's alright. Look after yourself xo
Wow, your week has been creepy!! And horrible!!
ReplyDeleteGaining is such a bitch when you're on low cals, it's the body rebelling. Drinking lots of water?